Parenting 101

     Being the oldest child in a family of five kids turned out to be an education in parenting skills. I was often told that being the oldest it was my responsibility to make sure that my siblings didn't get into any trouble and that they made it to the dinner table alive and in one piece. This was at times a monumental task bordering on impossible but I did learn a few things that came in handy when my own kids came along. Linda had similar experiences as her youngest sister was fifteen years younger than her, I know she did such things as changing diapers, bathing and taking little sister Vickie on outings. All of these things would eventually come into play when we FINALLY started having kids of our own.
     Linda and I wanted children from the start but try as much as we did it just didn't happen within the time frame we had hoped for. I was told, at one point, that my chances of fathering children was extremely low so we gave up and decided that we would direct our affections towards children belonging to friends and relatives. We tried taking in a young boy from a Catholic agency, we thought  there was a possibility for an adoption but it turns out we were sharing this boy with his father and siblings. Adoptions in those days were more difficult than they are today but the reality of it all was that I had a problem taking on someone else's child.
     We moved on with our life, I accepted my fate but Linda persevered, her clock was ticking and she had a lot of love to give to a child. We moved to Florida in 1978, in a way we started over again, new home, new jobs, new friends - new life. It wasn't long till Linda was looking into adoption and we kept trying to get one of those seventy five million sperm cells to take hold. Maybe it was the bright sunshine, the fresh orange juice, the ocean breezes or whatever, I don't know but what ever it was it worked. Linda got pregnant and Danny was born in July 10, 1980 followed two years later by Clay born August 24, 1982, we were a family and I was scared to death.
     Now we had to raise these two little bundles of joy without the help of family. What we did have was memories of growing up - what was good and what was not so good, we had been watching friends and even family for thirteen years  so we got to pick what we thought were the best things for raising kids.
     When Clay was born I was already in the process of transferring cross country and was about to get busy for the next few years. I did what I could but the bulk of the credit for how the boys turned out goes to Linda, this is not to say that either of us did everything right all the time.
     Not long after Danny was born Linda was holding a full time job as well as being a full time mother and full time wife. One day Linda got in the car to go grocery shopping, she made it about a mile down the road when she realized she had a baby and he was still in his bed at home. I on the other hand had a hard time keeping him alive when left alone with him, Linda was afraid to leave the house without taking Danny with her. I tried and I guess I got an "A" for effort but until the boys were old enough to understand that Dad was only good for bringing home a paycheck  Mom had the final say. This is not to say that Linda didn't screw up.
     There was the time in California when she had taken the boys on an outing, Danny got to be pretty rowdy and by the time they were on the way home he was on her last nerve, she stopped the car on the interstate and told Danny to get out and walk home. I can't remember what exactly happened but Linda either drove off and left him standing there or she made him walk in front of her for a ways until one of them calmed down. Either way she did bring him home in one piece and he learned that when Mom says to stop  irritating her you better stop.
     Then there was the time that Linda thought we should spend the day at the zoo in San Francisco, I had been traveling for a couple of weeks and we needed some quality time as a family - great idea. The boys were excited, Saturday morning came, we loaded up the car and headed for the "City By The Sea". The boys were in the back seat and as young kids will often do, an argument ensued about who was encroaching on whose side, Linda told them to calm down then I told them to just shut up. Next it was Clay who started fidgeting by swinging his feet, this resulted in his kicking the back of my seat, the first time I told him to quit, the second time I told him to quit. The third time I told him if he didn't quit I would turn around and go home, the next exit was for Davis, Ca. about fifteen miles from home, I took it. Clay promised to be good but it was too late he needed to know that Dad meant what he said. Once we got home I told them that maybe we would try again next week, when next Saturday came I reminded the boys of last weeks problems, there were no issues this time.
     When Danny was turning thirteen it was even money who was going to do him in first, his teachers or his mother, the boy was a hand full. His teacher told Linda he was a social butterfly and often ignored his studies which drove Linda up a wall, he would do his work but then forget to turn it in. He was playing ball at school and Linda told him if his grades didn't improve he would have to quit the team. Danny told her that the school rules would allow him to play  ball even though he was flunking a couple of subjects, Linda told him her rules were he would not be playing ball if he flunked any subject.
     The boys learned from an early age that Mom was the ruling factor and when she said "no" there was no need to ask again. Linda had a favorite saying "because I'm the Mom", it meant that she had the final say and the responsibility.
     She loved her sons and was as protective as an old "she bear". She took her job seriously, when counselors at school thought they were doing a good thing shooting for Clay to get an "I was there diploma" she refused to let him settle for second place. She worked with Clay and the teachers, it wasn't easy for either of them but the outcome made her proud.
     There were things that we told ourselves we would or wouldn't do. We would never use belts, switches or shouting as punishment. We allowed the boys to try anything and never force them into something they didn't want to do. We vowed that as they got older they would be allowed to make their own decisions, we would be glad to offer advice only if they asked. We tried to raise the boys to be independent, we would be there for them if they needed us.
     Overall I think we did a good job raising the boys, they made good grades and didn't get into any trouble, they both had and still have good friends who will be with them for life. We must have made the right choices but as I keep telling people it was Linda who went above and beyond, it wasn't easy and at times she worked harder at her job as a mother than I did at bringing home the paycheck.