One More Time

                                                            One More Time


     In the last months before passing, Linda told me that I should find a new wife, specifically one who liked to fish. I couldn't, at that time, imagine life without Linda and having been married to her for forty seven years I was sort of spoiled and doubted that there may be someone else I would want beside me.
     The first few months after she passed were the most difficult of my life, I was alright during the daytime when I could mingle with people then the darkness fell and I had to come home to a house filled with the silence and memories of a life that no longer existed.
     After a few months I realized that I was going to need help to get thru this next phase so I started seeing a therapist who guided me thru the darkness, she in turn placed me with a group of people who were walking down the same path. We as a group soon found that by sharing our stories of grief with each other we were in effect helping each other to heal our broken hearts. The group session was intense and short lived, after nine weeks we had learned how to live with our feelings but more importantly we realized that we wanted to remain together as a group, we had become very close with each other and now thought of ourselves as a family.
     We decided to continue with our own form of therapy so we set aside the first Tuesday of each month as a time when we would gather for lunch. There were nine of us to start, two men and seven women ranging in age from somewhere in the late eighties down to the early sixties. We have been meeting like this for just over a year now, one lady has dropped out but the rest of us have found that we do not want to miss a luncheon.
     One of the ladies, by the name of Kay, was the appointed reservationist, she would make all the reservations with the restaurant and e-mail us as to the time and date. Having not heard from Kay about an upcoming date I called her one night, we talked for sometime and I told her I needed a friend, we made plans to go to dinner a few days later. Each of us made it clear that we were not looking for romance, we were still mourning the loss of our spouses, the pain was still fresh in our minds, we both felt that we had already been in love with the best person in the world so there could be no one else for us. What we needed was someone to talk to of the opposite sex as each of us had for years been able sit down and talk with our spouses about anything. Now we were missing that voice opposite of ours, Kay had girl friends and I had guy friends but neither of us had friends of the opposite sex and it was something we were missing, I can't explain it any better.
     We went to dinner and as we ate we talked, when the waitress started giving us strange looks we left and went to visit a Veterans Memorial Park nearby where we sat watching the lightning flashes in the distant clouds, we talked for hours and parted company about one in the morning. Our friendship continued and over the next months we went on day trips together, sometimes just us and other times with another couple from the group. We had dinners together and watched movies and we talked for hours on end, our talks would at times invoke strong memories that would make us tear up and even cry, then we comforted each other.
     One night, after almost six months, we were driving home from visiting another couple from the group. Kay was holding my hand as I drove and I felt that we were evolving as a couple and this was a little scary for me,I asked her if she too thought we were moving to the next level. The thing that scared me most about falling in love with Kay was that I was older than she by several years therefore I would probably be the first to die and then she would have to relive the last couple of years all over again, I didn't want to be the one to break her heart for a second time. A few days later we had dinner and we talked about the future, we discovered that we needed each other, we looked forward with anticipation to our next date and didn't want to part at the end of the night. My fears were still there but Kay made me realize that life is uncertain and anything can happen. Kay retired from her job in January and things started getting more serious, at first we talked about moving in together, selling houses. It wasn't long until we talked of getting married.
     After we talked with our respective families telling them how we felt and what we were going to do we got a license and stood before a judge,who was a friend of Kay's, and said our vows on April 18, 2016. Kay Kiser Bullock now walks beside me as Mrs. Michael Riggan.
     There are times when we can still break down and cry about the love we had and lost, these feelings may never go away. Kay can not replace Linda and I can not replace her husband Wayne, neither of us wants that, we do want to live and love again and I think Linda and Wayne would be OK with that. I will always love and miss Linda just as Kay will always love and miss Wayne, they are a part of us forever.
     Linda told me in her last months that one of the reasons she married me was that I told her I only wanted to marry once, a lovely thought but not completely practical as life has a way of screwing things up. Turns out she knew me better than I thought, I need someone to love and take care of and someone to love and take care of me. Kay is that person and together we will make more memories for another lifetime while holding on to the memories of the past.