The List

                   


                             The List





     I love movies, always have since I saw my first one at a drive-in when I was a young lad.  I can't remember what I saw but I do remember Mom getting Dad to take us somewhere, he tried to talk us into going to a fight but we wouldn't have it. All of this happened when it was just me and brother Pat.  Brother Clint may have been in the making but it was definitely prior to having a TV in the house and it was a "Drive - in" movie.
     The old black and white movies of the 30's & 40's still intrigue me.  If they weren't engulfing me in a fantasy world of suspense or comedy then it was the excitement of a story of WWII or some cowboy saving the day and winning the heart of a lady. You always knew who the good guys were and it was a foregone conclusion that the good would overcome evil.  There were the late night "Million Dollar Movies" on Friday night and the serial westerns on Saturday morning.  When I got old enough there was an occasional trip to the Donelson Theater for a Saturday matinee.  It was there I saw my first science fiction movie about giant scorpions - scared the hell out of me for weeks.
     I personally have a nice collection of VCR and DVD movies from just about all eras and encompassing some of the biggest Hollywood stars of their day - Clark Gable,  Errol Flynn, Humphrey Bogart, Van Johnson, Rock Hudson, Charlton Heston and of course John, "The Duke", Wayne.  When Little Sister comes for a visit we watch movies till we fall asleep.  I can and quite often do watch  movies over and over.  I can't tell you how many times Linda and I have watched "In Harms Way" with John Wayne and Patricia Neal or "The Caine Mutiny" with Humphrey Bogart.
     My movie interest vary from musicals to westerns, comedies to war and adventure to suspense (horror is just not my thing).   Some movies grab my attention more than others and make me want to watch them more often. There are many reasons why I watch a movie multiple times, it is the leading actor or actress or the theme or the subject matter.  Dad would watch anything starring John Wayne and I also rank him pretty high.  One of his favorites was "Mr. Roberts".  As I aged,  my movie interest gradually moved to those dealing with subjects that held true to events that actually took place or themes that relate to real life.
     A few nights ago after Linda had gone to bed I ran across such a movie.  I had only seen it twice before but the subject hits close to home and the actors portrayed their parts beautifully.  The Bucket List, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, is one of those movies that has climbed high on my watch list.  The movie is about two old men who share a hospital room as they endure therapy for what turns out to be terminal illnesses.  Morgan Freeman's character writes out a list of things he would like to do before he kicks the bucket, Jack Nicholson's character picks up on the idea.  With some reservation and much thought they go off together to complete the "Bucket List".
      As I said, this hits close to home as I am now a senior, but don't go getting excited, I don't have any terminal disease and I am not planning on kicking the bucket any time soon, at least not today. Personally,  I would like for MJ to be old enough to remember she had a Grandfather before I go, another 15 yrs. would be soon enough. A "Bucket List" is a list of items that a person wants to do before they die.  Remember all of those dreams starting way back when you were a kid that you said, "one day I'm gonna ---" or the plans you and your wife made about your future when dating?  In general, all of those things that you dreamed of doing as soon as you could find the time to do them would go on your bucket list. This brings to mind part of a quote having to do with "best laid plans of mice and men ".
     The thought raced thru my head, have I experienced everything I wanted to do, is there more yet to come, or is there nothing in my future to spark the imagination and stir the fires of desire for more. Suppose for a moment that my life to date is yet unfulfilled - what might my bucket list include?
     
     1.  Ride on a fire truck - I seem to remember doing that when I was a Cub Scout.
     2.  Climb a tall mountain - not that I am afraid of heights but I would rather stand back and admire the beauty.  I can tell you that Mt. Hood in Oregon is magnificent with the light of a full moon reflecting off it's snow capped peak while one lone cloud dissects it's mass.
     3.  Drive a fast car - did that.  I once owned a 1969 GTO and I used to have a heavy foot.  Even had the speeding tickets to prove it.
     4.  Catch a big Bass - I'm working on this one.  So far I'm up to about 6 1/2 lbs. if Linda's brother-in-law guessed the weight correctly.
     5.  I have been swimming in four different oceans/seas - So. China Sea,  Pacific Ocean,  Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico.
     6.  I have traveled halfway around the world and visited seven nations/countries - Philippines, Vietnam, Taiwan, Hong Kong,  Japan,  Okinawa, and Canada.
     7.  My work took me into all but five of the fifty states.
     8.  I have been fishing in Alaska.
     9.  I have laid under the stars in the High Sierra Mtns. of California with my son and counted shooting stars.
     10.  I grew up in the best of times and have been witness to some of the most dramatic events of history.
     11.  I fell in love with and married the most beautiful girl in the world.  She still walks beside me and lets me hold her hand.
     12.  I have held in my arms the most beautiful babies - my two sons and lately my granddaughter. With any luck I may yet get to hold a couple more grandchildren - get to work boys!
     13.  Go to Disney Land - did that and Disney World too.
     14.  Go sky diving - I have no desire to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  Contrary to what I have heard about sky diving,  planes, any plane that flies is a good plane.

    I'm sure that if I think long and hard I could come up with a really good list of things I want to do before moving on.  Most I'm sure I couldn't do because I'm no longer as good as I used to be.  Seems  like there is never enough time or money or maybe the realization that it probably could never happen anyway would just move those items to the far back burner and the flame would flicker and die out.  With the mellowing of my youthful priorities,  what was once a wish upon a star has become a lesson in reality, or as Linda recently said,  "life got in the way".  It is probably a matter of perception on my part but my youthful expectations may have been set too low although coming from an era where people lived their entire lives within fifty miles of their birth place,  I have gone far.  I'm not going down in history books and my fifteen minutes of fame were more likely fifteen seconds but when all is said and done I'm happy with my life. I took what came my way and did the best I knew how - guess that makes me a common man and I see nothing wrong with that.
     Having said all of that is there nothing left to keep the flame alive to make me look forward to tomorrow?  The answer is yes - though not what you may think.   Nothing too exciting or thrilling.

     1.  I want to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary with Linda (only four more to go sweetheart, then we talk about options for the 55th,  60th,  etc.).
     2.  I want to see the smile on MJ's face on Christmas morning and watch her blow out the candles on as many birthday cakes as I can.
     3.  How about catching a lot more fish?
     4.  I want to hold Linda's hand and walk down a deserted beach at sunrise.
     5.  I want to make memories that will put a smile on someone's face as they stare into the night sky or watch the flickering flames of a warm fire.

      It is not a big list but each item has meaning for me and there is hope that each can be accomplished.
     I have reached an age where my priorities have shifted.   I no longer worry about tomorrow as I have little control of the outcome.  What I can do is enjoy the day and hope that my deeds are good enough that some day someone will be reading this and the other postings of this blog and a smile will cross their lips or a tear will slide down their cheek.   If so,  my "Bucket List" will be complete.

.    
    

Sleepless Nights

                        Sleepless Nights




     Sleep has always been something that I could take or leave.  I have gone 24 hrs without sleep then get a good 8 hrs worth and be fine.  I couldn't tell you how much sleep I have lost over the years.  I think that as a youngster I didn't sleep as much because I thought I might miss out on something.   Now that I am a senior citizen I wonder whether or not I will wake up so I wake up every few hours just to check that body parts still work and feel right.  Last night was one of those nights that I couldn't get my brain to settle down.  It wondered all around with thoughts of the past, present and future.
     Weird images kept floating around, for instance I could see Grandpa Riggan leaning against the house wall on the front porch in a ladder-back chair.  He had on his bib overalls, his Bible in one hand and a corncob pipe in the other.  Smoke rose from the pipe as he silently read passages. Smoking a pipe was probably his only vice and I doubt that he had but the one pipe.  He kept a small cloth bag of tobacco in the bib pouch of his overalls, the bag had a yellow pull string that cinched it closed.  Sometimes he had a can of " Prince Albert " tobacco in the bib and when it or the bag was empty I would get them to put things in them like marbles or small toys.  There was nothing special about his tobacco it smelled like tobacco, looked like tobacco and when burned smelled like burned tobacco.
     Grandpa Wade was a pipe and cigar man.  He carried his cigars in his shirt pocket and pipe tobacco in a zippered leather pouch.  His cigars were usually stuck in the corner of his mouth with great plumes of smoke rising into the air but when he would get involved in talking the cigar would go out and it would then become something he would chew on or hold between his fingers and use as a pointer when highlighting a part of the story he was telling.  Granny saved the cigar boxes for us kids and they became the containers of our most prized possessions.  He had pipes of all kinds all over the house and cans of sweet smelling pipe tobacco on the coffee table.  Sometimes Grandpa would bite off a big plug of chewing tobacco, his car carried the signs of his chewing as when he worked up a lot of juice he would roll down the window and spit.  There was a long stream of dried tobacco juice down the side of the car looking like a pinstripe accenting the paint job or covering the dings created by whacking his pipe against the car to remove the ashes.
     As a young boy I stood in awe of my Grandfathers though they were opposites of each other in many ways.  One was large, loud, and full of life.   The other was thin, quiet, and very laid back with skin the color and texture of leather brought on by hard work in the fields.
     Now the brain moved in another direction recalling an item on the news about a ball player signing a contract for millions of dollars to play a game.  I remembered, when working for a bank years ago, the higher ups decided to look at customers as Millionaires regardless of their current income because during a person's lifetime they would make a million dollars.  This was hard to imagine when I was getting paid $12,000.00 per year to recover money they loaned to people who wouldn't pay it back, maybe they were including the salary Linda was making at the bank down the street.  In the seventies you talked of rich people as "Millionaires".  To even know of a millionaire was put you in high circles of society and now to be a millionaire is only a step above middle class. Multi millionaire is the new status and that is tens of millions.
     I remember five cent candy bars, fifty cent haircuts and no minimum wage, doctors who made house calls, and gasoline for fifteen cents a gallon and the guy who pumped it would give you "Green Stamps" to be redeemed for things.  Nowadays that candy bar cost at least a dollar, haircuts are $15 except for us seniors who can get one for $9.99 on seniors day. Doctor appointments are scheduled months ahead of time and if you get sick without an appointment it will cost extra because it is now an emergency, there is much value in planning ahead.  Gas prices fluctuate from $3.25 to $4.00 you have to pump it yourself and no green stamps.  The oil companies flagrantly flaunt their billions of dollars in profits and claim the high cost of gas is due civil unrest in some faraway country that has no oil reserves or a hurricane may move towards a coastal area of the U.S.
    Another shift in the brain waves.
    Everything is not learned in school.  Some things you pick up by experience or listening and watching others.  I learned that if you walk barefoot thru a yard covered in clover you run a high risk of being stung by a bee when you step on him.  I remember Dad trying to teach me how to tie my shoes - he made a loop from one shoestring and called it a tree then he took the other shoestring which he called the rabbit and as he wrapped the rabbit around the tree he said, "now watch the rabbit run around the tree and jump into the hole".  It wasn't too much of a stretch for the imagination and it worked.
     Switching tracks again.
     Getting older means you have been around for awhile therefore you have been thru many changes of society.  I have come to the conclusion that society has not changed all that much through out history.  I mean even in the middle ages there were the upper class, middle class and the lower class. We still have the same thing today we just call them the rich, middle class and the poor, the only difference today is that there are more people.  There have always been murderers and thieves and horrific crimes perpetrated on society only now there is a larger society.
     I don't remember having restless nights as I grew up.  I guess that is what is called the sleep of the innocent.  More likely it was because I hadn't lived long enough to have that many things that weighed on my mind - much less to remember.  It is hard knowing what the past holds and wondering how much, if any, will effect the future.  Maybe some day society will take the path less traveled - until then older people will have sleepless nights remembering the way things were and wondering how they got  to be the way they are.
     Where is Tinkerbell with the Fairy dust when you need her?





    

Aunts, Uncles and Cousins

     
                  Aunts Uncles and Cousins







      Growing up in the 50's was a family affair- brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, parents and grandparents.  Family life was all important so a gathering of the clan happened often.  With us it was every Sunday when Dad drove the family to his parents place out in the country.  A couple of times a month the visit would be cut short so we could visit Mom's parents across the river.  Back then there were things called "blue laws " that kept all non-essential businesses closed on Sunday.  It was a day of rest and relaxation and across the land families gathered to spend the day in togetherness.
     Mom and Dad both came from what I considered large families.  Dad was one of six kids although a sister died shortly after birth.  Mom was one of six kids.  Families of the day were generally five plus kids, any less was just un-American.  Large families made for bunches of Aunts, Uncles and cousins.  On Mom's side of the family I was the first born grandchild, on Dad's side I was the first born grandson and of course I was the first born anything for Mom and Dad. I held several first place positions and all I had to do was be born.
     Family gatherings were fun in that everyone seemed to be happy to see each other.  They showed up dressed in their Sunday best clothes.  The uncles all seemed to gather together and start talking work, politics, sports and life in general.  The aunts would go off in a group and start talking about whatever   but it was called gossip.  Everyone would always comment about how big the kids were getting to be or wanting to know what we were learning in school, made me wonder if school really changed that much?  I couldn't walk by an Aunt without being pulled on to their lap and hugged so tight they squeezed the breath out of me then I would breathe in lungs full of whatever perfume they were wearing which could be quite overwhelming.  Aunts were about as bad as Grandmothers in that they always wanted hugs and kisses and to pinch your cheeks.  Every week someone was amazed at how much bigger I had gotten to be even though they had seen me just last weekend, had I grown that fast I would surely be ten feet tall by now.  There was always a comparison as to whether I looked more like my mother or father although there were times I favored one of the Grandparents.  All of the kids were put thru this standard ordeal in the order of their arrival.
     Mom's side of the family had something called Great Aunts and Uncles and second cousins who we would see from time to time.  We didn't understand about Aunts and Uncles being " Great ". Grandpa's Wade's sisters were great in stature so I figured that was why they were Great Aunts but then Granny's Wade's sister Sahara was downright petite and she was a Great Aunt.  Sometimes life can be confusing for kids.  Although we may not have understood what made them " Great " we did know they were family.
     Not all of the aunts and uncles lived close enough to show up every Sunday.  Dad's brother Ray was a trucker and was not always in town.  Mom's big brother RC lived in California, her brother AJ traveled a good bit especially after he got his law degree and her younger brother Paul was in the Navy and lived out of state for a while.  It was always a big event when a long absent member of the family came into town.
    I was in awe of my aunts and uncles they seemed to always be happy and in good spirits.  The gathering could at times get quite loud as the siblings talked of old times, good and bad.  I heard tales of how Grandpa Wade would line up all of the kids when he came home from work and  give them a good whack with one of his big hands for getting into trouble, whether they had or not didn't matter.  Grandpa Riggan supposedly was a strong disciplinarian who did not spare the rod, I could believe this as I once saw him get after my brother Pat with a switch,  though he was normally very laid back.
     I can't remember all of the stories but I do remember hearing that Dad and his brothers would flip over outhouses on Halloween and on one occasion there was someone still inside.  Mom's brothers RC and AJ evidently were very mischievous and did things like dismantling the principle's buggy and reassembling it on the roof of the school.  They were also involved in locking up a pony in the girls dressing room after a Friday night football game, the pony and his mess were not discovered until Monday.
     I had five cousins on Dad's side and eleven on Mom's side plus myself and siblings made for 21 grand kids.  Growing up I was somewhat envious of my cousins, they were either only children or had only one sibling, I on the other hand had three brothers and a sister.  There was no such thing as peace and quiet around our house because we were such a large family, we had less than our cousins but there was never a dull moment and we really didn't know the difference.  In one respect though, us cousins were all alike in that we all were skinny, barefoot and had big ears.  I have the old black and white pictures to prove it.
     Looking back I can say that I had my favorite aunts and uncles.  Dad's brother Sam was always arriving in a newer car, he changed cars as often as some people changed clothes and he had a boat.  Uncle Ray drove a big truck and to a young lad such as myself that was a very envious trade. Aunt Elizabeth was nice as was Aunt Francis.
     Now Aunt Francis was the oldest in Dad's family and Dad was the youngest.  The story I heard was that Aunt Francis spent  lot of time pretty much caring for Dad when he was a baby and on into his later years.  She was like a second mother, because of this she had a soft spot for Dad and when I came along the soft spot was transferred to me.  When I was younger I couldn't walk by without her grabbing me and pulling me onto her lap for some rib cracking hugs and kisses, all of the squirming and kicking would not get me loose until she was ready to let me go.  She was a gentle soul and whenever I could visit her, it seemed to light up her day.
     Mom's siblings were not much different.  Uncle RC was the oldest and he looked exactly like Grandpa just not quite as heavy.  He lived in California with his wife Norma and daughters Pam and Beth.  They seemed to be the exotic ones in that they lived so far away and we only saw them every few years.  Linda and I saw them a lot when we lived in California and always enjoyed their company.  We still talk to Aunt Norma on occasion.
     Uncle AJ was somewhat of a mystery to me when I was young but as I got older I figured out that he was a go-getter.  He put himself thru law school while working and became a corporate lawyer for a big manufacturing company.  He traveled the world for the company until he went into private practice.  I guess you could say he was the smart one of the family.
     Uncle Paul was next to the youngest of the family as well a the runt of the litter but of all of my blood uncles he was and still is my favorite.  He is a bit of an eccentric and more unlike any of his siblings than you can imagine but he is fun to be around and I think the world of him.  I could probably write a good story about him.  Sadly, I don't get back home much and haven't seen him in several years.
     Aunt Sarah was the youngest and to be honest was more like a big sister than an aunt.  I remember when she was still in high school and later dated and married Uncle Henry.
     Mom's sister Addie was married to uncle Harold.  They always had a smile and hearty laugh.  The story is that I was a hard birth for Mom and she was often sick.  When I wasn't sent off to Grandpa Riggan's,  Aunt Addie and Uncle Harold would take me for days.  I have been told that my first word was "Harold".  As I got older I called most of my uncles " Unc ".  The last time I saw Uncle Harold was at Mom's funeral I walked up to him and said ,"hey Unc".   He laughed and said he knew I would call him Unc.  Sadly, that was the last time I saw him or heard his contagious laughter.
     Here is a story about Uncle Harold and Uncle Paul:  Uncle Harold was a builder of custom homes and well respected in the industry.  Uncle Paul was a government employee working at a weather radar station.  As I said before, Uncle Paul is a bit of an eccentric and many years ago he bought a farm that has a brick house that was built before the Civil War by slave labor.  The bricks were made by hand and the walls were about 18" thick.  Uncle Paul decided to add to the kitchen and put in a root cellar at the same time.  After he had the cellar completed he bought wood from a local mill for the floor joist and asked me, Uncle Harold, and Grandpa Wade to come help him build the floor.
      Seems that Uncle Paul wanted to maintain the integrity of the house so he bought dried oak 2x10's and we cut them to length and started to nail them in place.  Mind you, these were not milled boards so they were a full two inches thick.  Every time we started a nail and got it to the point that we could swing away with the hammer the nail would bend or go flying thru the air.  The wood was dried out and hard.  We should have pre drilled the holes but didn't and every time Grandpa would bend a nail or one would go flying thru the air he cussed a blue streak and Uncle Harold would laugh so hard at Grandpa he would miss his nail head.  Uncle Paul was concerned that he had bought enough nails and cautioned us not to waste them - we went thru a bunch of nails.
     I left Tennessee about 1978 and my work took me all over the country.  The homecomings were always something to look forward to, I was always happy to see my relatives and sad to leave them. Eventually that generation started to age, first it was Dad who passed away then Grandpa Wade a few days later and one by one they have passed on to the next life. Only Aunt Jean ( Uncle RC's wife ) and Uncle Paul are still with us.
     As for the cousins most are still around though a couple have passed away.  Most are still in the middle Tennessee area.  A few like myself are scattered around and have made their homes elsewhere.  Some of us are retired now and others are fast approaching that stage of life.  For whatever reasons we haven't kept up on a regular basis so now our kids don't realize that they have family they never met or were so young they don't remember - how sad!  There was a time when a person was born, raised, lived, worked and died within a few miles of home then one day society became like the vagabonds of old and families scattered to the four winds.
     Like characters in a play,  my extended family weaved in and out of my life leaving little bits of themselves embedded in my memory waiting to be retrieved and woven into a story for the next generation or just as a pleasant thought to brighten my day.
     I keep saying to myself that I am going to go home and see family before it is too late but something always seems to come up.  Maybe tomorrow or next week or for sure next year I can find the time, we'll see... I will always remember.