Little Brother

     He was the last of the brood, the runt of the litter and cute. I still remember his cries in the night when he was a baby, it wasn't to difficult to hear them as we lived in a small house with only two bedrooms, including Mom and Dad there were already six of us crammed into that small house, Ronnie made seven.
     Because Pat and I were the older kids we helped Mom do a lot of things around the house which included feeding Ronnie, washing out his dirty diapers, warming milk for his bottles and sticking a pacifier in his mouth when he cried. I can't remember why but for a time as a toddler we called him "Bug".
     By the time he was walking I was turning into a teenager, I went to work with Dad on a part time basis ( for the next five years) so our worlds went in different directions. Ronnie was still unsteady on his feet and I was flapping my wings in preparation for the day I would go out into the world on my own. Ronnie was in his own little world where his main concerns were play time, food and naps.
     When I started my junior year of high school Ronnie started first grade, we lived in the country, yes Mt. Juliet, Tn. was country then. Back in those days we all attended the same school meaning that the Mt Juliet school was one building that contained grades one through twelve, my senior class was only sixty three students.Again, back then there were no rules regarding passenger capacity so every day all five of the Riggan kids climbed aboard the same school bus along with dozens of other kids sitting on each others laps and crammed in the isle from end to end. Young kids could be quite annoying especially to older kids, Ronnie was no exception and one day as we rode to school he ticked off another junior, who happened to live up the street, and the boy smacked Ronnie in the mouth. This was the first time that I got into a fight over one of my siblings, as soon as the bus unloaded at school I flew into that kid and wound up with his twin sister on my back, now I never was much of a fighter although I did get into a couple but this time I won. As the baby of the family Ronnie was always looking up to his older siblings but this day I stood a little taller in his eyes.
     About a year later I spread my wings and joined the Navy, over the next four years I came home for short visits. I married Linda in June of 1967 and we came home for a honeymoon, Ronnie was nine then, he and the rest of the family welcomed her. I already had orders to Vietnam, Mom and Dad told Linda if she wanted to stay with them while I was gone it would be OK so when I left in November Linda stayed behind with them.
     I can't say that Linda's stay with my family was idyllic, there were problems but Ronnie was a big help to her, he seemed to know when she needed to get away from the stress and pressures of living in a different place while I was in Vietnam.
     When I came home in the spring I brought Ronnie some foreign money I had collected from the Philippines and Vietnam, I told him about each piece and the next day he took it to school and showed it to the whole class. Once again I was a hit with my little brother.
     It was a short visit and Linda and I headed to California then a few months later I went back to Vietnam, Linda went back to Florida. After about seven months in Vietnam I returned to San Diego where we spent the last few months of my enlistment. I was discharged in June of 1969 and was eager to come home but we had a problem, we didn't have the money for the trip. What we did have was a tax return for several hundred dollars but it would not get to us for a couple of months. I called home and asked Dad for a loan, he sent three hundred dollars. When the tax check came in I went to Dad to pay him back that's when he told me he didn't have the money to send me so he borrowed it from Ronnie.
     I was twenty two when I was discharged from the Navy, Ronnie was eleven. It was late when Linda and I drove in from San Diego, Ronnie stayed up as late as he could but his eye lids got too heavy for him. He was asleep when we walked in but Mom had promised him I would wake him when I got home. I sat down on his bed and shook his shoulder, he rolled over rubbing sleep from his eyes, when he saw me he said "Mike" threw his arms around my neck and gave me a hug I will never forget.
     Linda and I went about the business of starting a life out of the Navy, it took me a couple of years to find my way. In the mean time Ronnie grew up and one day he came home with a girlfriend - Mary. It wasn't long before they were in love, married and starting a family of their own.
     Life went on for everybody over the next few years, Ronnie and Mary had two sons - James Ray and Lance - they made Christmas a lot more fun and life in general more interesting. I was the first Grandson in Dad's family and his father didn't mind letting everybody know that I was special, James Ray was that special Grandson in Dad's life and we all knew it.
     Linda and I left Tennessee in 1978, we went to Florida to chase a dream, we found some of it in the birth of our sons the rest I chased for years. That was about thirty nine years ago, we made visits home to see friends and family, sometimes there were years between visits and they were all too short.
     My siblings and I walked different paths and for a while the paths didn't cross too often, there became a rift in the family and in some ways it still exist. When Mom passed away the tension was less but there were still wounds left to heal.
     Ronnie and I got in the habit of calling each other every few weeks, usually he was driving to somewhere and had his phone set up on blue tooth or some device where he could talk and drive at the same time. One day back in December of 2012 Ronnie was dropping a load at a warehouse nearby so I went to see him, when his truck was loaded he dropped it off at a nearby truck stop and rode home with me. I had called ahead  and Linda had chili waiting for us. It was a good visit old memories were revisited, it was a happy time until Linda suddenly decided she needed to lay down  and almost as quickly she asked me to take her to the emergency room but before she could get dressed I had to call an ambulance. My neighbor came over to take Ronnie back to his truck. Linda wound up spending the holidays in the hospital and having open heart surgery. I'm not sure what Ronnie thought about all of the commotion but I was scared, I almost lost Linda that night.
     We have continued to stay in touch since that night. Kay and I spent the night with Ronnie and Mary the weekend we came up for a cousins reunion, they welcomed Kay to the family and made her feel at home.
     We all knew that Ronnie had health issues and that they were serious  but he seemed to be handling them. We often compared notes about our Dr. appointments but in the end life as we knew it continued. I talked to Ronnie back in December he sounded bad, his breathing was more like gasping and he had a hard time talking because of it. He told me of a recent trip he took, he said if he hadn't had a portable oxygen machine with him he would not have made it home. When I got off the phone I told Kay I didn't think Ronnie would last the year, then I cried.
     A few weeks later I called Ronnie on Thursday or Friday night and got his voice mail so I left a message saying I would call back later. I got busy that weekend and was surprised to get a call from him Monday morning, he was on his way to Glasgow, Ky. he sounded good and was in good spirits, we talked for some time and then hung up. Several hours later I got a call from my brother Pat, James Ray had messaged Tina - Ronnie had died. This was January 28, 2019, Ronnie was sixty years old.
     I was devastated, I had just talked with Ronnie a few hours before and now he was gone. In my mind despite Ronnie's health issues he was still young and had a lot to live for, I am the oldest I shouldn't be attending the funerals of my siblings, it's just not right.
     Ronnie was a good man, he loved his family and was proud of his sons, I think he talked more about his grand kids than anything else and the last time we talked he told me he now had five grand kids due to James Ray's kindness taking in three sisters. As far as he was concerned he had a good life, he enjoyed driving his truck, he loved his wife and family, as for his health he knew where he stood, he told me that if he had to blame someone all he had to do was look in the mirror. I think he was a lucky man, he may have left us too soon but he went out on the top of his game.
     Though we may have wandered off in different directions at times he was and still is my brother, I loved him and will miss him.