The Next Chapter

                                                 The Next Chapter





                                               Smile Because She Lived


                You can shed tears because she is gone
                       Or you can smile because she lived.
                       You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
                       Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

                       Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
                       Or you can be full of the love you shared.
                       You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
                       Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

                       You can remember her and only that she is gone,
                       Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
                       You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn back,
                       Or you can do what she would want:

                       Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

                       Author unknown



     The above poem was one of several pieces given to those of us in my grief support group. It hopefully had the effect of encouraging us to move forward and be happy in our remembrance of our lost loved ones rather than continue with the grieving that most of us were still wrapped up in. This was six months after Linda had passed away and she was still deeply embedded in my thoughts, my mind was closed, I was empty and moving forward was out of the question.
     It has been a year since Linda passed away, I have endured holidays without her laughter, the birth of a grandson she longed to hold, her birthday and our anniversary without celebration. It has been a year of sadness and sorrow, self pity and longing, loneliness and darkness. Loneliness is the worst of all the feelings, she was not there to hold or talk with and why turn on the lights when there is only you in the house, in the darkness your vision is not blurred when you cry. Going forward seemed senseless when there was no longer a purpose, many times I shut myself away from the world around me and closed the door on friends and family.
     During this past year I shed more tears than any time in my life, all it took was a smell, sight or sound and the memories would turn loose the tide of emotions and flood of tears. I wanted to turn back the clock and have just one more day with Linda to hold her and tell her how much I loved her.
In the support group we talked about the day when we could invoke memories of our loved one and smile. It was never that memories of Linda were sad or unhappy, I have no sad memories of Linda, I have been sad because all I had left of her were the memories and that has not been enough.
     Without a doubt this past year has been the worst in my life, knowing that other people have walked in my shoes before me and many others will after me did not satisfy the feelings of grief. My survival took a lot of understanding, compassion and love from family and friends.
      I still couldn't move forward until I met with a group of people who were in as much anguish as I was.This group of strangers all had one thing in common, they grieved for someone they loved who had passed away. We shared our grief with each other and in doing so we helped each other. Our session was brief, only nine weeks, but it was intense and we became like a family, we still get together once a month and several of us have gone on outings together. We still grieve and probably will for years to come if not forever but now we know that we are not alone and have understanding friends.
     Like the poem says, I can cry and close my mind, be empty and turn back or I can do what Linda would want - smile, open my eyes, love and go on. Had the roles been reversed I would want Linda to move on and enjoy the rest of her life,I know this is what she wants for me. This is not to say that I have stopped grieving for her, I doubt I ever will but I am ready to smile again and rejoice in the life Linda and I had together, I still love and miss her, I am proud for having had the privilege of loving her.
     So today I am turning the page to the next chapter in my life, a chapter filled with family and friends - new and old, with old memories and making new ones. I am throwing out the thoughts and things that have stymied any growth for some time. A new chapter, I can only wonder what new things await me, where my new life will take me - I think I am ready.