Kids And Grand Kids, There's Not Much Difference

     When Danny and Clay were still toddlers they were very close, Clay looked up to his big brother and Danny in turn was quite proud of his little brother. Oh, they fought from time to time but in the end Danny looked out for Clay and proudly introduced Clay as his brother to everyone they met.
     When we lived in Kansas Danny was five years old and Clay was almost three, there were not too many kids their age to play with but there was a four year old living next door. One day the neighbor boy was playing with Danny as Clay napped on the couch, at some point the neighbor boy jumped on Clay and Danny jumped on the neighbor boy to pull him off Clay - they rolled off the couch on to the floor with Clay on the bottom of the pile. When Linda pulled everybody apart Clay had a broken leg that required hospitalization in a hospital sixty miles away, he was in traction for six weeks and a body cast for another six weeks.
     During Clay's stay in the hospital, Linda would stay with Clay and I would get Danny after work and drive to the Hospital so Linda could have a break and visit with Danny while I sat with Clay. Danny was worried about Clay and may have even thought he was to blame, he was too young to visit Clay in the hospital so Linda and I did what we could  for both of them. Needless to say Danny was glad to see Clay when he came home even though he was in a body cast.
     Clay was always a quite child to the point that Linda became concerned because he wasn't developing a vocabulary as he should. Danny had been a chatterbox when he was Clay's age, still was for that matter, any time someone asked Clay a question Danny answered it. Linda's concern grew to the point that she consulted Clay's doctor, after a careful examination and listening to Linda the doctor concluded that everything would be fine if Danny would let Clay speak for himself. The doctor said that as long as Danny talked for Clay there was no reason for Clay to talk. Once we got Danny to shut up Clay started talking and the decibel levels increased dramatically in our house.
     Fast forward about thirty five years, Danny and Marie have MJ and her little brother Matthew, at this point I would like to say Matthew is a little brother in name only, he may be two years younger than MJ but he out weighs her and is just about as tall.
     The first time Matthew and MJ met, MJ seemed somewhat unconcerned, she had just spent her first night away from Mom and Dad and as good as it was to spend time with Grandpa it was even better to see Mom and Dad again. It took a while but she finally warmed up to having a little brother,  like their father and uncle they would be insufferable one minute and inseparable the next.
     Even though they occasionally played with some other kids in the neighbor they became the best of friends. Sometimes they will crawl into bed with each other and recently they have a camping out night where they sleep in sleeping bags under a makeshift tent in their bedroom.
     Kay and I usually pick them up on a weekly basis and take them places. MJ like her Dad is the chatterbox or social butterfly, poor Matthew can hardly get a word in when she is around but he does pretty well when he is alone with us. Matthew was sad when MJ went to school, he lost his playmate but he would wait patiently for the bus to bring her home and she would tell Matthew, Mom and Dad all about the things she learned and did that day. Matthew was excited to start kindergarten this year as he would get to ride the school bus.
      Kay and I picked them up one day and headed out to where ever we were going when Kay engaged them in conversation. When Kay asked Matthew what he learned in school that week he didn't say anything so she asked MJ what Matthew might learn in school, without thinking about it MJ told us that when she was in kindergarten she learned that not all of the white rocks on the playground are rocks, some are bird poop.
     Danny recently posted a story about Matthew on FB, seems Danny was reading a book to Matthew about bananas. When the story was over Matthew told his Dad that wanted to get a banana tree, Danny explained to Matthew it was not hot enough to grow a banana tree at their house. I need to interject here that we have been having record breaking heat and humidity this summer, about 79 days of 90 + degrees. Sometime in the next day or so Matthew was outside playing in the heat and humidity, he came in dripping in sweat, he wiped sweat from his eyes and proclaimed it was hot enough to grow bananas out side, smart kid.
     The last time Kay and I had the kids with us Kay was once again engaging them in conversation while I drove, they got on the subject of fingers and Kay was asking MJ if she knew which finger was the index finger and MJ showed her then she told us which was the ring finger and then the pinky finger but then MJ excitedly told us that the middle finger was the ugly finger, it was ugly if you pointed it at anybody.
     It is nice to know that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Danny made another post to FB recently. Every night he and Marie let the kids pick out a book then he and Marie read to them or in the case of MJ she reads to them as much as she can, afterwards Marie is in the habit of singing a song she made up for the kids. Well this particular night Marie had to work late so she wasn't there to sing to them, Matthew was so sad that he wouldn't hear a song that MJ sat beside him and sang to him just like Marie. To coin a phrase "no greater love has a big sister that she would sing to her little brother in his time of sorrow". I hope they never change.
     I was retired when MJ was born, she was not quite two years old when Linda passed and doesn't remember her Grandmother. We knew a grandson was on the way when Linda passed away, she was sad she would not get to meet him, since then I have been writing stories about Linda so they will know her.
     It has been fun watching MJ and Matthew grow. MJ is a lot like her Dad, a social butterfly. Matthew on the other hand is still working on his persona although Marie thinks he favors her personality. They still have a lot of growing before it will be known who they are and who they will be, I doubt I will be around to see the end results so I will take what I can get now and be happy with that but then again, there is a slight chance that I might stick around, I hope so.



















   

Letter To MJ and Matthew

Dear MJ and Matthew,

     Recently there has been a lot of hoopla brought about by a bunch of teenage kids saying that there parents and grandparents have destroyed their chances for a future because the climate is quickly changing for the worse. Young people are holding protest across the country and around the world claiming that life on earth is nearing the end because of climate change, some say the end is coming in just a few years while others claim the end is happening in six more days. TV newscast, newspapers and social media on the internet are inundated with tearful youngsters begging the powers that be take action now to save the world from destruction.
     The other night, while looking at Facebook, I ran across a news feed depicting a young girl prominent in this movement, tears ran down her face as she angrily shouted at officials  pleading with them to do something. Seems that as I have gotten older I have become more opinionated on some subjects and sometimes have no problem letting people know how I feel, this was one of those times. I went on Facebook and posted a letter to the kids who claim that all of the ills of the world are the fault of the older generation, you probably won't see the letter, especially if the world ends in the next six days, but I feel that you should know what was said.
     To make a long story short, the claim that climate change is destroying the world and climate change is caused by excessive use of fossil fuels has been rolling around for quite some time. The first warnings came about in 1896 when scientist predicted that excess CO2 from humans would cause global warming. In 1968 it was predicted that the ozone levels were being depleted by excess levels of CO2 and causing the ice caps to melt and therefore the sea levels are going to rise to catastrophic levels flooding major portions of the earth. 1970 brought about the claim that the chemicals used in the aerosol of spray cans was creating a giant hole in the ozone layer of the atmosphere which in turn was causing world wide droughts. Burning certain types of coal caused ozone depletion, exhaust fumes emitted from driving automobiles caused depletion of the ozone. Add to this the dire predictions, from scientist, politicians, movie stars and anyone with a high degree of self importance, that life on earth will end in fifteen years, twenty five years or even next week. Accordingly life on earth as we know it was scheduled to end several times during my lifetime yet her I sit writing a letter to you guys.
     So, what is the truth behind climate change ? Well I don't know and have serious reservations that anyone else knows for certain but what I do know is that the earth has been undergoing changes since it's creation, over time whole continents have shifted their position, whole species of animals, plants, fish and birds have disappeared while others evolved.
     Since the creation of families it has been the responsibility of the parents to raise and teach their offspring how to be parents and hope that the children might turn out to be better at it than they were. I can say for sure that my grandparents hoped that my parents would be better parents than they were and inherit a better world, the same held for my parents towards me and me towards your Dad.
     Now then, is the world a better place ? Look at things this way, there was a time when most of mankind thought the earth was flat and sailors who sailed their ships too far would fall off the edge and never be heard from again. Generations later the earth was found to be not only round but it also revolved around the son, the moon revolved around the earth and controlled the tides of the seas. This new found knowledge improved man kinds world and made it a better place. One hundred years ago the horse was still a major form of transportation for many people and many households still didn't have electricity but modern inventions and advances improved the lives of people every where with each generation. We have come a long way and each generation has left it's mark, most people think for the better but not without some bitterness.
     What all this hoopla boils down to is really quite simple, at least in my mind, the problem is the older generation and the new generation. The older generation with the tools available have done the best they could then they reach an age where they can't see that any further improvement is possible, all of a sudden they long for the simple life they once had. They can't always see that the youths they created are going in the right direction. On the other hand, the younger generation rebels against all of the status quo, they have reached an age where they now know every thing there is to know. This rebellion usually last through the mid twenties to early thirties at which time the younger generation realizes they are now in the drivers seat and if anything is going to change they must work to make it happen.
     For young people to rebel is a natural consequence of maturing and each generation has gone through the process, they eventually come to a place in their life where they settle down and face responsibility and become the very thing they rebelled against. It's called the circle of life, I am my father's son, in time I have become my father and I have done the best I could to make a better life for my son just as he will do for you.
     There is nothing new here, the world has been through this crisis many times before and will endure future clashes. The world today is a better place today than it was yesterday, it is not perfect it waits for you to leave your mark on it. Good luck.



           Grandpa

Getting Old Ain't For Sissy's

     A few months back I turned 72 years old. To be honest I never thought I would get this far yet here I am, near sighted, grey haired and pot bellied. I guess I should consider myself fortunate to still be walking around when so many people younger than me go to meet their maker every day due to various illnesses and accidents.
     Looking back on my life I can say there were times I did some pretty dumb things that could have resulted in my demise. As a teenager I jumped off high cliffs into the lake and would swing on a rope attached to a tree on the side of a steep bluff overlooking the lake. I rode a bicycle that I personally worked on only to find out that I am not mechanically inclined - the brakes didn't always work and the front wheel occasionally fell off when I hit a bump.
     I left home at 18 and joined the Navy, as a VIP driver I had a heavy foot. There were no laws about using a seat belt back then so I didn't use one but there were several times, after driving at speeds exceeding 90 mph, a thought would cross my mind "are you crazy" but then I was 18 - 19 years old, I was indestructible. The Navy sent me off to war in Vietnam, not once but twice, again I was fortunate and came home, more than 50,000 of my brothers didn't.
     I continued to drive too fast, over the years I was involved in several auto accidents and received more than my share of speeding tickets. I smoked cigarettes, drank several forms of alcohol,sometimes to excess, and before the kids came along any excuse to party was a good excuse.
     Once the kids came along I slowed down, quit drinking and kept the speed odometer under 80 mph (when the kids were in the car). I suffered the odd cuts and bruises and continued to scratch my head every year when my birthday came around amazed that I made it another year. I worked hard, often long hours, smoking helped keep the stress under control though it didn't do my body any good.
     One day I woke up and found I was a senior citizen, I could no longer keep up with the younger generation physically or mentally. Technology passed me by a long time ago and I don't even think about trying to catch up. I'm so out of shape that getting in a hurry is out of the question, if I had to run the proverbial 50 yards to the outhouse I would need some clean underwear about halfway there. My reflexives have slowed and my memory is sporadic, seems my mouth gets ahead of my brain and whatever I was trying to say  doesn't always come to me until a later time, the doctor calls it "having a senior moment".Various parts of the body take turns letting me know how they feel, sleep eludes me at times, arthritis has a hold on several joints and skin tags are popping up all over my body.
     I have needed glasses for years and now I have what is called a floater in my right eye. I get up slowly in the middle of the night to let my body adjust to the new position and I can't walk barefoot anymore but I did quit smoking a few years ago.
     There is some good news though, I just had a checkup, other than needing to drop a few pounds (OK quite a few), having low vitamin D and borderline cholesterol I'm not in bad shape. When so many people my age are wolfing down handfuls of pills every day I only take three, every thing still works although not as good as they used to.
     I look in the mirror and see and old person yet I look at things from a young persons point of view, I think I can still do things like I always have but then I remember I'm not 25 or 30 or even 40 anymore. I miss the "good ol' days".
     There's a line from a country song that goes "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was" but I should add another line "just not as often as I used to".
     One of the really hard parts about getting old is that all of your friends and relatives have gotten old also, some of them are not doing so well and some have already passed away. I don't enjoy seeing people I know suffering from some disease, I don't enjoy saying goodbye to them but because I love them I will do what I can.
     I don't recommend getting old, it beats the alternative but it sure ain't for sissy's.



















   

Five Years

     "The business of life is the acquisition of memories, in the end that is all that is left" 

                                                                                    Mr. Carson, Downton Abbey



     This post contains individual posts that I write on Face Book on the anniversary of the passing of Linda and Wayne. The words are from my heart and I think they are important to future generations so I have created this post as a compilation of the anniversary writings.  

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FIVE YEARS

     Five years ago Kay and I didn't know each other but life forces were in play that would bring us together. Five years ago Kay's husband Wayne passed away, a week later my wife Linda passed away, after decades of marriage we were lost and alone. The first year was devastating, we mourned our losses deeply, we cried ourselves to sleep when sleep was possible, we wandered aimlessly in a fog of despair even though we were surrounded by friends and family.
     As time went on life became easier, with help we learned how to move forward without forgetting, we learned to live again with the memories of a lifetime, we learned how to smile and laugh again as we told our stories of the past. What we did not do was forget even one minute detail of the ones we lost. Everyday we remember Wayne and Linda, some times the memories bring tears, some times smiles, some times the memory is but a fleeting moment like a flash of light but most often they linger for a few minutes as the minds eye allows us to look back on a smiling face or listen to sounds of laughter. Our memories of Wayne and Linda can never be lost, they are permanently etched, deeply, in our minds mingling with the memories that we now create together.
     Kay and I came together during the most devastating, heartbreaking period of our lives, drawn together by grief we fell in love and married. There were those that felt our marriage defiled our memories of Wayne and Linda, that we no longer remembered the life or the love we grieved for. Well, you hurt us, you added to our grief and caused us great pain but then you also strengthened our resolve, together we have learned to move forward while looking back, together we have learned to love again without remorse.
     Linda and Wayne are memories now, memories that can be brought on by various things, an aroma, scenery along the roadside, a song on the radio, a scene from a movie or maybe it did just pop up out of the blue. There have been times we could be having a conversation with someone when our eyes might water, we may start to sniffle or even be close to outright crying, then for no apparent reason we may smile all because something triggered a memory. We are getting better at setting aside our emotions, we no longer burst into tears for no reason, there are times when we need a hug or a whisper of love and these we freely give to each other. The existence of our grief often is subtle as the pain continues to lessen, our happiness overshadows the sorrow but the sorrow will always be there, I think, for the rest of our lives.
     Five years is just the beginning, for the rest of our lives we will remember our late spouses, the memories may bring tears or smiles, either way they will be welcome because they are a part of us that can never be denied. Five years, it seems like yesterday, five years from now it will still feel like yesterday, memories are funny like that.

                                                        In Loving Memory

          Linda Jean Dingman Riggan                            Charles Wayne Bullock

           3 /30 / 1949  -  9 / 12 / 2014                           12 / 21 / 1952  -  9 / 6 / 2014

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TIME

     Six years ago, Kay's husband Wayne passed away after 35 years of marriage, one week later my wife Linda passed away after 47 years of marriage. It was their time, yet we grieved for them. We continued our existence in time alone yet surrounded by family and friends. We didn't know each other then but time eventually brought us together and over time we learned to live with our grief. Time held our memories of a life never to be forgotten while we made memories in our new life together. 

     But to say that "time heals all wounds" is not really a truism. Time works very well on physical wounds although there may be a scar, time hides wounds of the mind and heart. The wounds lay unseen to most people hidden by a facade that cloaks the bearer. Our's is a wound of the heart that time can not heal.

    Time moves us forward in our love for each other but it can't heal the wounds in our hearts or hide the memories of our past. Six years have gone by, next September will be seven years then eight, nine, ten. We have come to learn that time will continue to heal our wounds but time will never allow us to forget Wayne and Linda, not last year, not this year, not next year.
   
   

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EIGHT YEARS

     At this time of the year, I usually write something about the grief I am experiencing from Linda's passing. It's been eight years, I still feel her loss but it seems different somehow. It's hard to explain, I still miss her but I don't mourn her like in the past, does this mean that I have excepted her loss and moved on?

     Kay and I often think and speak of Wayne and Linda, it's hard not to with so much that triggers a memory but those memories no longer produce tears or feelings of sadness they now bring forth smiles and laughter. This must be another stage in the grieving process but it leaves me a little confused and wondering what or how I will be feeling in the years to come. 

     Whatever the next step in the process is, I know that we will never forget them and the life we had with them.  

                                                       -----------------------------------------------

     About this time every year, I write something about my feelings from losing Linda. These picture my son has posted about Linda are a fitting tribute to her life so I am going to piggyback my thoughts about her.

     After a lifetime of loving and living with someone, you find that you can never forget them or stop loving them though they are no longer with you. Time becomes a scar covering the wound death has left on your heart.

     After nine years, I have moved on, Kay and I have made a good life together and we love each other, we both would rather be spending this time with the person we grieve for but life doesn't always give you what you want. Every day we remember them in different ways, we smile from our thoughts and hold back tears from our sadness then we move forward but we never forget.

     These pictures seem like yesterday, indeed they are yesterday, they are embedded in my memory forever. All that Linda and Wayne were is now a memory that occupies a special place in our hearts. Grief is the one thing time can never erode just as memories can never be forgotten. A wound can be healed but there will always be a scare in it's place to remind us of another time.

               

                                                        -----------------------------------------------

          The ANNIVERSARY

     September has arrived once again, while there are many reasons to be happy about it's arrival there is one thing that cast a shadow over the month. Ten years ago, Kay's husband Wayne passed away on the sixth, my wife Linda passed away on the fourteenth, it was a dark time for the both of us. Like a lot of things in life, there is no guidebook, nothing to tell you what to expect, what to do or how to act, even talking with others who have gone through the grieving process doesn't help much because everyone grieves differently. 

     So, here we are ten years after their passing and we are still grieving for them, we no longer cry ourselves to sleep or walk around looking like we are lost but we do still grieve for them. The emotions have changed, the events leading to their deaths are not as vivid but the memories of their life are as clear as yesterday. We don't need a picture of them because their likeness is embossed into our memory cells and often enters our thoughts, we speak of the good times and smile, sometimes we laugh. 

     I guess this is another phase of the grieving process, maybe the final phase as I can't think of how more years will change my feelings, only those who started their journey before us would know and I suspect they would say grief is never ending. So, here we are celebrating another anniversary, no cake with candles or party favors just each other to hold and a lifetime of memories to make us smile, somehow I think that's enough.

To Believe Or Not To Believe

     "Believe nothing you hear, only half of what you see and everything you feel". According to Encyclopedia .com this quotation is from the mid 19th century and warns against over-reliance on one's own experience.
     I have heard some form of this quote all of my life and sometimes the true meaning came home to roost the hard way. Mostly it was a matter of  "old timers" trying to pull the wool over my eyes while playing a joke or just flat out spinning a yarn laced with truth and vivid embellishments. Either way it was all done with no intended harm and everyone usually got a good laugh out of it. Once you had the wool pulled over your eyes often enough you got to where you could distinguish truth from fiction and though you didn't believe all that you heard you could rely on the honesty of your eyes and feelings. This held true for centuries until the rise of the "internet", since then all hell has broken loose.
     The internet has opened up all kinds of avenues for deceit, deception and out right lying. Even if you are smart enough to determine fact from fiction there are thousands, if not millions, of people who will believe anything they see in print or hear with there own ears. These people think the internet is gospel and everything therein has come down from the mountain engraved in stone. Unfortunately there are people who for whatever reason seem to get a thrill out of spreading rumors, lies and innuendos. They do this for monetary gain, for political power, they do it to mislead, to sway opinion and to slander and yes they do it for the thrill.
     The other day I ran across an internet posting claiming some political figure made a statement that was not only offensive but showed their ignorance on the subject. Because this person has recently been a sore on the backside of the political arena, the posting sounded very much like something they would say and I bought into it hook, line and sinker.  Irritated, I made a comment on the posting only to have someone point out to me the posting was a fake. Why someone would want to mislead the public and malign a political figure is beyond me especially since this political figure seems to be doing enough of that all by themselves. Who created this posting may never be known because the internet seems to welcome anonymity.
     With the internet truth and fiction are one and the same. Pictures can be revised "photo shopped" so skillfully one would believe unicorns actually exist, even recorded statements can sound authentic to the ear. The days of old timers jokingly trying to pull your leg or make a story seem more interesting are long gone, you can't trust that your eyes to see what you think you see or your ears to always hear the truth. I know that from now on I will probably adhere to the old saying "If it sounds (or looks) too good to be true, it probably isn't".
     Abraham Lincoln is quoted to say "you can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can not fool all of the people all of the time". In his day he was right, the internet has changed all that, it has changed the world we live in for the good and unfortunately for the worse.
































   

The Jetties

     1966 was a good year, I was dating the most beautiful girl in the world, I was living ( at the invitation of the U.S. Navy ) at the beach in Cocoa Beach, Florida, what more could a guy want ?
     Linda and I were head over heels in love and we took every opportunity to be together. My duties with the Navy didn't have normal hours and Linda was still in high school plus she held down a part time job  to boot. Some how we managed to find time for dates but the hour of the day may have varied though that didn't matter to us. The next hurtle was where to go on our dates.
     We had bought a 1958 Chevy Impala convertible for $350, it was rusty, had about five different colors of paint, three of the four side windows were cracked, the rear plastic window was yellowed but it did have a hot engine. Yea, it was a mess and got a lot of laughs but it was ours.
     As for the places to go on a date they were plentiful.
     There was a small lake, not far from Linda's home, by the name of  Clear Lake. A local civic club of which her father was a member, cleaned up the lake several years earlier. They removed all of the debris and captured all of the alligators and with county funds built a concession stand and picnic tables, the county staffed and managed it. The water was very clear and it was a great place to swim.
     Then there was a drive-in theater, for about fifty cents each we could see a double feature and make out during the intermission or just make out, not all of the movies were interesting. There were good things about the drive-in and not so good, the good was you could take a break anytime to go to the restroom or grab a burger. The bad thing was the mosquitoes, they were horrendous, if you rolled up the windows the heat and humidity was unbearable and the mosquitoes always found a way to get in. The drive-in sold a little repellent device that you lit with a lighter and set on the dash, it smoldered and put out some sort of repellent but here again you had to roll up the windows but then once you got heavy into making out a few hundred mosquitoes were a minor irritation compared to the rivers of sweat we worked up.
     Cocoa Beach was a great place. Back in the 60's the town seemed to never shut down, it was, after all, the height of the Apollo space program. The beach was almost as good as Daytona Beach, it was not as wide but you could drive on it for a couple of miles. Sand, sun and surf, a Florida staple.
     Then there were the "parking areas". Any place you could park your car and make out without being disturbed was a parking area and there were lots of them in failed subdivisions or turn outs along the river road or the beach.
     I need to stop here and layout a little background. I had a good relationship with Linda's Mom, her Dad was a different story but Mom, as I called her, liked me. Sometimes I would be at Linda's house waiting for her to get off work, when she called I would go get her  and save Mom the trouble. As I walked out the door I would jokingly tell Mom "don't wait up we are going to South Carolina to get married", she would smile and say ha ha. Now that I have laid out the above background I will tell you about one of our favorite "parking " places - "The Jetties".
     Port Canaveral was a dividing line between Cape Kennedy which was restricted and the civilian city of Cape Canaveral, it also was a canal connecting the Atlantic Ocean to the inter-coastal waterway and or Banana River. The south side of the port held a small fleet of trawlers and a couple of tug boats. The north side was taken up by the U.S.Navy (this is where I worked ). They had a ship called the USS Observation Island, it monitored all Polaris missile launches from the Polaris submarines that came in for testing. The civilian side also had "The Jetties"they were piles of big rocks on both sides of the channel  that stretched out into the ocean and served as a breaker for the channel and provided for some great fishing.
     The Jetties as we called them were a prime "parking area", they were wild with over grown palmetto bushes, palm trees and sand dunes. the chances of getting stuck in the sugar sand were very good but not a deterrent. Any given Friday and Saturday night would find a steady stream of bouncing headlights as cars carefully navigated the ruts we called a road into the jungle of the Jetties. The great thing about the Jetties was the offshore breezes  that kept the mosquitoes at bay and quickly dried perspiration. When talking about taking your best girl to the Jetties we sometimes said we were going to watch the "submarine races", the fact there were nuclear submarines at the port had nothing to do with races.
     One Friday night I was at Linda's house, she was working till 11:00 pm. I got up to leave and as I walked out the door I told mom "see you tomorrow  Mom", she laughed. I picked Linda up and we decided to go to the Jetties. To make a long story short, things got a little hot and heavy, the next thing we knew it was around four in the morning before we headed home. The sun was coming up when we pulled into the drive, Mom was waiting up when we walked in and in no mood to talk. After that we were careful about when we got home and I didn't joke around with Mom too often. The irony is that with all of the problems she had with the preparations for our wedding, she told us if she had it to do over she would have paid us to go to South Carolina.
     As with many things from my past they exist only in my memories now. The drive-in is long gone, I am sure Clear Lake is still there but somehow it has probably changed. The space program is not as exciting as back in the sixties. Port Canaveral has expanded, a Disney cruise ship sails from there and there is a good sport fishing business and several swanky restaurants. The Jetties, well now  they are a county park known as "Jetty Park", there are paved roads, with paved parking, picnic tables and flowering bushes. Every weekend families gather for a day at the beach, fish on the jetties and hope to see a big ship sail down the channel.
     Some people don't handle change too well, I have to admit I am one of those people but as I have gotten older I realize change is a fact of life.  My "Jetties" are long gone except in my memories, there they are as clear as ever.




























   










































   

Tears Of Love

     When Linda and I got engaged we eagerly made plans for our future starting with the wedding. Linda like most girls dreamed of walking down the isle and holding my hand as we said our vows so a church wedding it was going to be. Plans for our June wedding started in December.
     I don't know who was more excited about this wedding, the bride or the bride's mother. Together they thought of every detail from the invitations to the punch bowl. It seemed that for months the wedding was all Linda and her mom could talk about. My job was to decide who of my relations, friends and acquaintances I was sending an invitation to, get their addresses and once the invitation was written ( Linda did that part ) I scrawled my signature on them.
     My time at my duty station was growing short and I knew that a transfer was upcoming  but had no idea when. This was one thought we tended to ignore, we were happy and in love, nothing could put a damper on our big day or so we thought.
     Just a couple of weeks before the wedding I got my orders. They couldn't have come at a worse time and they couldn't have been more disconcerting. The orders said I was going to Assault Craft Div, 12, the name alone was something to be concerned about. The word "Assault" in any context should be alarming but when the military uses it they usually mean some sort of armed confrontation. Add to that the fact that the unit was listed as secret and no one could tell me anything about the outfit, what was it or where it was. This was 1967, the war in Vietnam was escalating, more and more men and materials were shipping out every day. Every day the list of military personnel wounded or killed in the line of duty grew longer.
     I went to Linda and told her I had orders, I told her everything I knew about the outfit, which was nothing, and told her what I thought I was getting in to. Tours of duty in Vietnam usually went on for 12 months, this was no way to start out a marriage, add to that, I may be in combat with the possibility of getting wounded or worse. Making Linda a widow was on my mind and it didn't sit well. I thought we should postpone the wedding, the possibility of coming home an invalid or in a coffin was something I didn't want to put Linda through.
     Linda took all of this hard, we were in love and she wanted nothing more than to be my wife. She cried so hard rivulets of tears ran down her cheeks, her body trembled with heart wrenching sobs. She pleaded with me. In the end I hugged her and I kissed away the tears, we kept our date at the church. Four months later she kissed me goodbye.
     During her final months Linda refused to be less than upbeat for her friends and family but there were times when I helped her to stand I would hold her tight against me while she cried from the pain and exhaustion. The morning after she passed it was my tears, my heart wrenching sobs that shook my body, she couldn't hold me and kiss away my tears but my love for her got me through.