What Do We Do Now

   









          A few weeks back I turned 73 years old, I thought that by now there would be no more surprises, nothing to get the old heart racing. Well I have been wrong before and it appears that I am wrong again, Mother Nature or rather someone who was tinkering with Mother Nature has decided to liven things up for this world we share with her. A few years from now history may tell us what actually happened, was somebody in fact monkeying around in areas they shouldn't have or it will confirm that a microscopic little bug that lived in the blood of animals took a leap to the human population.
         Whatever the truth may be, a virus that normally lives in animals is now running amuck on the worlds human population, we have even given it a name - "Corona Virus 19" or "Codiv 19". Like it's predecessors the Black Plague, Spanish Flu, H1N1 and others it has infected more than six million people world wide and almost four hundred thousand have died. This is a new virus and we have no vaccine and no known cure, it has infected people of all ages but is most deadly to older people and anyone with a pre-existing condition such as heart disease, COPD, kidney disease. You could have the virus and not know it, you can pass it along to someone else by sneezing or touching a surface that will sustain it for up to two weeks.
      With the travel oriented society of today it didn't take long for this virus to spread. We do know that this virus comes from China's Wuhan district  where coincidently there is a lab studying the Corona virus. Because China is a secret society we do not know for sure when it got loose, we are informed the first cases showed up in China in December of 2019 but some say that is a fluid date and those in the know seem to disappear, another quaint trait of China. By February 2nd there were 17389 cases globally ( 24 countries ) and 362 deaths, the US had 11 cases, nine days later there were 42,708 infected people globally with 1017 dead. So far the virus has invaded pretty much every society around the globe, there may be a small Pacific island that has been unaffected but all major countries around the world are struggling with the effects of Corona. As of June 1, 2020 we here in Georgia have just over 47,000 cases and 2053 deaths.
     Life as we know it is different now, we have learned new terminology like "shelter in place" and "social distancing". At first we were told to stay away from large groups, do not touch your face, wash your hands often no more hand shaking and stay 6 feet from the nearest person, work from home if possible. All major sporting events have had their season delayed or out right cancelled, conventions were cancelled. There was a mad rush at grocery stores, their shelves were stripped bare, people were hoarding toilet paper, bottled water, bread, hand sanitizer. Cities, towns and even whole states are mandating that people "shelter in place" in other words do not leave home unless it is essentially necessary. All businesses not essential to fighting the virus were closed. Nationally millions of people are out of work, unemployment in the U.S. has exceeded historical levels.
      Kay and I have been doing our part, neither of us have had a haircut in four months and because all of our usual activities have been put on hold I decided to grow a beard so I have not shaved in about three months. We have been good as far as staying away from people, I went about a month before I even left the house on my own, we don't dine out anymore mainly because the restaurants our closed, Kay orders our groceries on line and picks them up in the store parking lot. We do still go for our rides but we just ride, we don't stop and get out we just ride. We have hooked up the boat and gone fishing only to find that all of the laid off fishermen had the same idea.
       The virus has even effected the political arena, democrats and republicans are at each others throats with each blaming the other for the mess we are in, it is an election year and both sides are taking advantage of the virus to gain votes. Theorist are having a field day with their ideas of how serious the virus really is, some say it was intentionally unleashed on the American public because our economy was the best in our history. Theories about the best way to combat the virus or various cures are endless. One theory questions the real need for a vaccine as some believe certain sectors want to insert micro chips in the vaccines that would track our movements and push us into a new world controlled by a one world government, maybe George Orwell really was trying to tell us something.
     People are divided, a part of society says the virus is all a hoax while seniors and people who are most susceptible are running scared. Another new catch phrase is "new normal", many things have changed and may never be the same again. Online sales for everything from groceries  to furniture has soared, order your groceries on line they will tell you when the order will be ready for pickup. When you arrive at the store parking lot call and someone will bring your groceries to you and put them in your vehicle. Working from home was encouraged and has gone so well it may be that many companies will continue on a much larger scale.
     Wearing of protective mask is advised and in some places required but not everybody wears them. most store employees wear them but it seems that the customers are of mixed opinions - some do, some don't. Most restaurants offer drive thru or curbside pickup only, those few that are starting to reopen require a reservation, you have to wear a mask that you can take off after you have been seated, they will not seat more than six people to a table and only use every other table, oh and they ask that you not dilly dally around - eat and get out so other customers can get in.
     Going in to the month of June things appear to be getting better, the number of infected people is declining as are the deaths, we have "flattened out the curve". Some people are ecstatic while others are not ready to concede to the flat curve theory.
     Experts, depending on who you believe, say all of the precautions we took were useless, others say we are returning to normal too soon a new outbreak can happen anytime. People are tired of staying in place, tired of having no work, tired of stores that have little to sell or are closed because they are not necessary. They are tired of wearing face mask, tired of living in fear, tired of not knowing who to believe, which way to turn or what the unknown future holds for them.
     So where do we go from here, that is a big unknown, I doubt this is the last we will see of this virus, will it come back later this year, will it evolve into something worse ? Only time will answer those questions, only time will put people back to work and take away their fear. Only time holds all the answers.

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     Well here I am a little over a year later, as predicted the virus mutated into what is known as the "Delta" virus that is meaner and more deadly than the original. Infection rates have risen to epic proportions, the hospitals are again full to overflowing and the death toll is climbing. The majority of those being infected are younger between 30 to 55 years old and some even younger. Better than 95% of those infected have not been inoculated. There is a sector of society that are opposed to the vaccine and refuse to take it because they feel it is an infringement on their freedom or that the vaccine contains a tracking device that record their movements, they also refuse to wear mask for the same reasons. I am not one of the "never vaxers", I have been taking vaccines for one disease or another since I was a kid, I believe in them besides I don't believe in tempting fate as it has a way of jumping up and biting you on the butt when you least expect it. 

     Politically the Republicans are blaming the Democrats for the spread of the disease as President Biden opened the southern boarders to tens of thousands of illegal immigrants many of who are sick with the virus. the Democrats on the other hand are blaming the mishandling of the virus on policies initiated by former President Trump. Mask mandates have again gone in to place by many businesses, school boards and whole counties and yet many people are protesting the mandates again because it's an infringement on their freedom of choice. The turmoil over these issues is boundless, the nation is deeply divided.

     Many school systems opened up only to close a few days later after students tested positive for the virus. The infection numbers for younger children is climbing even though the vaccine has been approved for kids 5 years old and up.

     The hope is that the infection rate will peak in a few more weeks, I fear that if they don't peak the nation will go back into a mandatory shut down again and that would not be good for our struggling economy.

     I'm sure I will be back with an update hopefully one that has a more positive outlook.

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Promises Kept

     Back in 2005. Linda and I got to looking around at all of the repairs our house needed and after totaling everything up, including my time to do the work, we decided to sell it and buy one more home. We bought our new home, it had everything Linda wanted, ranch style, gentle slope to the yard and trees filled with birds, squirrels and butterflys. Linda was happy.
     We didn't have a dog at that time, which suited me just fine, but Linda did have the most annoying and loud parrot you could imagine, Mango was it's name because it's coloring resembled that of a mango. During the move we left  Mango with Clay, a few days after Linda brought him home he died, possibly from stress brought on by the move, Linda was devastated. It wasn't long till she was wanting a dog to keep her company while I worked long ours.
     I grew up with pets, more specifically dogs, Linda and I had owned six or eight none of whom died of old age. I didn't need another pet, I didn't want another pet, more than anything,I didn't want to bury another pet. Linda pleaded  with me and even cried, there were some things that I could never deny her, this is where Lizzy comes in.
     Lizzy was a rescue dog, a mixture of Labrador and Cocker Spaniel, if I remember correctly the rescue group gave her the name Lizzy and her nickname "Licking Lizzy". The dog was so happy to see people that her tail went to wagging on the rear end and her tongue went to licking on the other end, she had the longest tongue anybody had ever seen.
     We kinda got the cart before the horse with Lizzy, the rescue group charged us $50.00 including shots and while Lizzy was going to be an indoor dog she did have moments where she needed to go out and that meant one of us had to go with her. That $50.00 dog got more expensive as the days went on, first it was a long plastic coated wire tethered to a screw in the ground, that was about $30.00 then because we didn't want to have her on a leash we installed a chain link fence for about $2,000.00. The fence worked fine as far as keeping Lizzy in the yard but every time she went out she brought in a lot of dirt so we laid in about 14 pallets of Bermuda sod for another $1,500.00, then because we didn't want to be up and down to let her in and out of the door I installed a storm door with a doggy door inset for another $150.00. Our $50 rescue dog wound up costing around $3,800 in the first month, none of these numbers are exact because that was some fifteen years ago but they are close enough, I was just glad she was a rescue dog.
     Lizzy became Linda's constant companion, always by her side ready to be scratched behind the ear or sneaking a good licking of Linda's hand or cheek. Lizzy was not what I would call a bright dog, about the only thing she seemed to be trainable for was when to eat, beyond that she was about as dumb as a brick but Linda loved her.
     The years went by all to quickly, I changed jobs, got laid off then retired. Linda and I did our best to enjoy my retirement, I went fishing every now and then, we went on weekly drives visiting state parks. We visited my sister when she was working in south Georgia and Linda's sister in Florida. Life was good but lurking around the corner was a darkness waiting to strike when we were least expecting it.
     Late in 2011 Linda's health started to decline, her role of taking care of me for years soon reversed to me taking care of her. Through the next two and a half years I became Linda's caregiver, if she needed something I got it for her, if she needed to go somewhere I took her. Lizzie's roll never changed, she never left Linda's side, she was always ready for Linda's hand to scratch her ear or ruffle her fur, she was eager to lick a finger or hand.
     Linda had a lot of things on her mind in her last weeks and days mostly it was concern for those she was about to leave, she was worried for me because I would be alone for the first time in my life, she was worried for Clay that he would have someone to love, she was worried that MJ would not remember her and she worried what would become of Lizzy. I went about putting her mind at ease, Clay and I were adults and would deal with what came our way, as for MJ and her unborn brother Matthew I started writing stories about Linda so that when they got older they could read about her and know that she loved them.
     A few days before Linda passed she told me she was worried about Lizzy, that is when I made Linda a promise, I would take care of Lizzy for her remaining days. Lizzy became my responsibility, feeding, haircuts, vet visits whatever she needed I made it happen.
     After a time I met and fell in love with Kay. We were kindred spirits in many ways, her husband Wayne had passed away a week before Linda and she had a coon hound named Boone that was more Wayne's dog than hers, we became family. Boone became sick a couple of years back and Kay had to put him down, Lizzie's time had not come yet.
     In a couple of months Linda will been gone six years, Lizzy's health has taken a turn for the worse over the last year or more, her hearing is almost gone, her eyes are clouded with cataracts, large lumps are scattered around her body, two of which have been removed in the last six months and yet she finds it more difficult to get around. These last few days she has not eaten much, she limps and spends her time laying in one spot or another.
     As I contemplate having her put down I think about my promise to Linda and wonder if I have done enough for Lizzy. Those same thoughts have crossed my mind many times since Linda's passing, could I have done more for her, was there something else I could have done to make her last days better. All I can say is I think I did the right things, I hope I did the right things. Now I am thinking these same thoughts about Lizzy, did I give her the best care I could have. I think these thoughts about Linda and Lizzy will haunt me forever.
     Today is May 29, 2020, Lizzy is not improving, the day I have been dreading has arrived, I didn't want Lizzy to suffer any more pain so I had her put down. In reality I have a soft heart, having Lizzy put down has weighed heavy on my mind, Kay senses my feelings, she tells me that when she had to put Boone to sleep it was like she had lost the last part of her husband Wayne even though she still had her daughter Katie, for the last few years it had been Wayne, Boone and her, now it was just her. Kay put into words the thing I had been thinking, Lizzy was left in my care until it was time for her to once again join Linda, like Kay I felt the last part of Linda leave with Lizzy.
     I have done my best to keep my promises to Linda, memories of her fill pages of this blog, I did the best I could to give Lizzy a good life. I hope Linda and Lizzy find each other in Heaven, it would make them both very happy.












   

Annie The Nanny

      As a young girl Linda traveled around the country with her family, her father worked for a defense contractor involved with the missile silos installed in the western part of the country. They often lived in motels or rented houses, they relocated two or three times a year, they traveled in a pickup truck with a camper shell on it.
     There was no room for a pet like a dog or cat but her Dad agreed to have a parakeet, they were small, didn't require a lot of care, didn't make a mess or loud noises. Chipper traveled with them for several years, he or she was family. 
      While in the Navy we had two dogs that we couldn't keep.When we came home from the Navy Linda wanted a pet. She got another parakeet that we had for several years, then a string of dogs and one parrot followed over the years. When we moved into our last house the parrot had passed away, I was through with pets but I couldn't say no to her for very long,reluctantly I gave in and let her have another dog which I still have. Lizzy is sixteen years old now, a mixed breed Cocker Spaniel and Labrador who very well may out live me.
     Linda had a soft spot for all animals whether they be beast or fowl and they need not be her animals. One of the reasons we bought our last house was the trees that shaded much of the yard and provided food and sanctuary to the birds and squirrels. She would sit for hours with Lizzie by her side and watch the squirrels scamper across the lawn and the birds raise their young in the trees. Humming birds fought fierce duels as they guarded the feeders scattered around the yard and sometimes were a nuisance as they hovered with in a few inches of your face checking out some  red clothing item you were wearing.
     There was a young couple, Ryan and Lindsay, that moved in next door, they were newly weds. We were privileged to watch them start their new life together. It wasn't long till they had a baby boy then a baby girl but the real surprise came from the animals the couple acquired. There was Bogie the Golden Labrador, he was smart, well trained and obedient. Bogie had been Lindsay's fathers dog but for whatever reason he now belonged to Lindsay, he was a happy dog.
     One day Ryan knocked on the door. It seems they had been to a birthday party that weekend. The men had gone into the garage for some fresh air, when they walked out they saw a full size goat looking at them, to be more specific, a nanny goat. The goat was quite friendly and a thorough search of the area failed to turn up an owner so Ryan was there to ask if we would mind if they kept the goat in their back yard. Annie, as they named her, became a spectacle  in the neighborhood, everybody had to come by and check her out especially the kids.
     Annie was gentle, at least as gentle as a full grown goat could be, she craved human attention and would go to anyone who paid attention to her and that is where Linda came in. Linda and Annie took a liking to each other very quickly, Linda would feed her weeds she pulled from the lawn and scraps of potatoes, lettuce and other vegetables from the table.
     Not long after Annie arrived, I helped Ryan build a chicken coop for the four hens he acquired, they all had names but I forget them. The hens were kept in a fenced and covered area and only let out to roam the back yard occasionally. The chickens like Bogie and Annie soon became a part of Linda's daily life, she would sit on the back deck and watch them scratch the dirt and leaves for bugs, worms and the occasional small snake and like Annie she fed them table scraps.
     One weekend Annie disappeared along with Ryan, Lindsay and the kids, this was unusual and Linda was concerned that something had happened to Annie. It turns out that Annie had been taken to a show and tell for a nephew or niece  and was returned several days later..
      A few days later I was helping Ryan split some wood in his backyard, I told him how concerned we had been when Annie went missing, Ryan apologized and promised to let us know if they took her away again. I explained to Ryan the relationship between the animals and Linda, how she enjoyed their company and how when she came outside they would come running to the fence in hopes she would have some tidbit for them. Annie, Bogie and the chickens were all running loose in the yard as Ryan and I worked splitting logs. All of a sudden it was a mad dash for the animals as they ran from one side of the yard to the other and waited impatiently at the fence for Linda. As soon as the stampede started, I got Ryan's attention and pointed to the rush and said "see what I was talking about". Ryan got a good laugh.
     By the time Linda passed away in 2014, Bogie had died as had the original chickens but Annie was still there. For weeks after Linda passed when I went out the back door Annie would look my way expecting Linda and some goodies.
     Ryan and Lindsay moved to a new home and took Annie to a farm owned by a friend, she spent her final days grazing in fields with goats and other farm animals.
     It matters not their breed, gender, size or color the relationship between humans and animals is uncanny. Their brains may not be as big as ours but their hearts know no equal, I think Linda thought more of her animals than she did some people for sure they thought a lot about her.

                           

Kids And Grand Kids, There's Not Much Difference

     When Danny and Clay were still toddlers they were very close, Clay looked up to his big brother and Danny in turn was quite proud of his little brother. Oh, they fought from time to time but in the end Danny looked out for Clay and proudly introduced Clay as his brother to everyone they met.
     When we lived in Kansas Danny was five years old and Clay was almost three, there were not too many kids their age to play with but there was a four year old living next door. One day the neighbor boy was playing with Danny as Clay napped on the couch, at some point the neighbor boy jumped on Clay and Danny jumped on the neighbor boy to pull him off Clay - they rolled off the couch on to the floor with Clay on the bottom of the pile. When Linda pulled everybody apart Clay had a broken leg that required hospitalization in a hospital sixty miles away, he was in traction for six weeks and a body cast for another six weeks.
     During Clay's stay in the hospital, Linda would stay with Clay and I would get Danny after work and drive to the Hospital so Linda could have a break and visit with Danny while I sat with Clay. Danny was worried about Clay and may have even thought he was to blame, he was too young to visit Clay in the hospital so Linda and I did what we could  for both of them. Needless to say Danny was glad to see Clay when he came home even though he was in a body cast.
     Clay was always a quite child to the point that Linda became concerned because he wasn't developing a vocabulary as he should. Danny had been a chatterbox when he was Clay's age, still was for that matter, any time someone asked Clay a question Danny answered it. Linda's concern grew to the point that she consulted Clay's doctor, after a careful examination and listening to Linda the doctor concluded that everything would be fine if Danny would let Clay speak for himself. The doctor said that as long as Danny talked for Clay there was no reason for Clay to talk. Once we got Danny to shut up Clay started talking and the decibel levels increased dramatically in our house.
     Fast forward about thirty five years, Danny and Marie have MJ and her little brother Matthew, at this point I would like to say Matthew is a little brother in name only, he may be two years younger than MJ but he out weighs her and is just about as tall.
     The first time Matthew and MJ met, MJ seemed somewhat unconcerned, she had just spent her first night away from Mom and Dad and as good as it was to spend time with Grandpa it was even better to see Mom and Dad again. It took a while but she finally warmed up to having a little brother,  like their father and uncle they would be insufferable one minute and inseparable the next.
     Even though they occasionally played with some other kids in the neighbor they became the best of friends. Sometimes they will crawl into bed with each other and recently they have a camping out night where they sleep in sleeping bags under a makeshift tent in their bedroom.
     Kay and I usually pick them up on a weekly basis and take them places. MJ like her Dad is the chatterbox or social butterfly, poor Matthew can hardly get a word in when she is around but he does pretty well when he is alone with us. Matthew was sad when MJ went to school, he lost his playmate but he would wait patiently for the bus to bring her home and she would tell Matthew, Mom and Dad all about the things she learned and did that day. Matthew was excited to start kindergarten this year as he would get to ride the school bus.
      Kay and I picked them up one day and headed out to where ever we were going when Kay engaged them in conversation. When Kay asked Matthew what he learned in school that week he didn't say anything so she asked MJ what Matthew might learn in school, without thinking about it MJ told us that when she was in kindergarten she learned that not all of the white rocks on the playground are rocks, some are bird poop.
     Danny recently posted a story about Matthew on FB, seems Danny was reading a book to Matthew about bananas. When the story was over Matthew told his Dad that wanted to get a banana tree, Danny explained to Matthew it was not hot enough to grow a banana tree at their house. I need to interject here that we have been having record breaking heat and humidity this summer, about 79 days of 90 + degrees. Sometime in the next day or so Matthew was outside playing in the heat and humidity, he came in dripping in sweat, he wiped sweat from his eyes and proclaimed it was hot enough to grow bananas out side, smart kid.
     The last time Kay and I had the kids with us Kay was once again engaging them in conversation while I drove, they got on the subject of fingers and Kay was asking MJ if she knew which finger was the index finger and MJ showed her then she told us which was the ring finger and then the pinky finger but then MJ excitedly told us that the middle finger was the ugly finger, it was ugly if you pointed it at anybody.
     It is nice to know that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Danny made another post to FB recently. Every night he and Marie let the kids pick out a book then he and Marie read to them or in the case of MJ she reads to them as much as she can, afterwards Marie is in the habit of singing a song she made up for the kids. Well this particular night Marie had to work late so she wasn't there to sing to them, Matthew was so sad that he wouldn't hear a song that MJ sat beside him and sang to him just like Marie. To coin a phrase "no greater love has a big sister that she would sing to her little brother in his time of sorrow". I hope they never change.
     I was retired when MJ was born, she was not quite two years old when Linda passed and doesn't remember her Grandmother. We knew a grandson was on the way when Linda passed away, she was sad she would not get to meet him, since then I have been writing stories about Linda so they will know her.
     It has been fun watching MJ and Matthew grow. MJ is a lot like her Dad, a social butterfly. Matthew on the other hand is still working on his persona although Marie thinks he favors her personality. They still have a lot of growing before it will be known who they are and who they will be, I doubt I will be around to see the end results so I will take what I can get now and be happy with that but then again, there is a slight chance that I might stick around, I hope so.



















   

Letter To MJ and Matthew

Dear MJ and Matthew,

     Recently there has been a lot of hoopla brought about by a bunch of teenage kids saying that there parents and grandparents have destroyed their chances for a future because the climate is quickly changing for the worse. Young people are holding protest across the country and around the world claiming that life on earth is nearing the end because of climate change, some say the end is coming in just a few years while others claim the end is happening in six more days. TV newscast, newspapers and social media on the internet are inundated with tearful youngsters begging the powers that be take action now to save the world from destruction.
     The other night, while looking at Facebook, I ran across a news feed depicting a young girl prominent in this movement, tears ran down her face as she angrily shouted at officials  pleading with them to do something. Seems that as I have gotten older I have become more opinionated on some subjects and sometimes have no problem letting people know how I feel, this was one of those times. I went on Facebook and posted a letter to the kids who claim that all of the ills of the world are the fault of the older generation, you probably won't see the letter, especially if the world ends in the next six days, but I feel that you should know what was said.
     To make a long story short, the claim that climate change is destroying the world and climate change is caused by excessive use of fossil fuels has been rolling around for quite some time. The first warnings came about in 1896 when scientist predicted that excess CO2 from humans would cause global warming. In 1968 it was predicted that the ozone levels were being depleted by excess levels of CO2 and causing the ice caps to melt and therefore the sea levels are going to rise to catastrophic levels flooding major portions of the earth. 1970 brought about the claim that the chemicals used in the aerosol of spray cans was creating a giant hole in the ozone layer of the atmosphere which in turn was causing world wide droughts. Burning certain types of coal caused ozone depletion, exhaust fumes emitted from driving automobiles caused depletion of the ozone. Add to this the dire predictions, from scientist, politicians, movie stars and anyone with a high degree of self importance, that life on earth will end in fifteen years, twenty five years or even next week. Accordingly life on earth as we know it was scheduled to end several times during my lifetime yet her I sit writing a letter to you guys.
     So, what is the truth behind climate change ? Well I don't know and have serious reservations that anyone else knows for certain but what I do know is that the earth has been undergoing changes since it's creation, over time whole continents have shifted their position, whole species of animals, plants, fish and birds have disappeared while others evolved.
     Since the creation of families it has been the responsibility of the parents to raise and teach their offspring how to be parents and hope that the children might turn out to be better at it than they were. I can say for sure that my grandparents hoped that my parents would be better parents than they were and inherit a better world, the same held for my parents towards me and me towards your Dad.
     Now then, is the world a better place ? Look at things this way, there was a time when most of mankind thought the earth was flat and sailors who sailed their ships too far would fall off the edge and never be heard from again. Generations later the earth was found to be not only round but it also revolved around the son, the moon revolved around the earth and controlled the tides of the seas. This new found knowledge improved man kinds world and made it a better place. One hundred years ago the horse was still a major form of transportation for many people and many households still didn't have electricity but modern inventions and advances improved the lives of people every where with each generation. We have come a long way and each generation has left it's mark, most people think for the better but not without some bitterness.
     What all this hoopla boils down to is really quite simple, at least in my mind, the problem is the older generation and the new generation. The older generation with the tools available have done the best they could then they reach an age where they can't see that any further improvement is possible, all of a sudden they long for the simple life they once had. They can't always see that the youths they created are going in the right direction. On the other hand, the younger generation rebels against all of the status quo, they have reached an age where they now know every thing there is to know. This rebellion usually last through the mid twenties to early thirties at which time the younger generation realizes they are now in the drivers seat and if anything is going to change they must work to make it happen.
     For young people to rebel is a natural consequence of maturing and each generation has gone through the process, they eventually come to a place in their life where they settle down and face responsibility and become the very thing they rebelled against. It's called the circle of life, I am my father's son, in time I have become my father and I have done the best I could to make a better life for my son just as he will do for you.
     There is nothing new here, the world has been through this crisis many times before and will endure future clashes. The world today is a better place today than it was yesterday, it is not perfect it waits for you to leave your mark on it. Good luck.



           Grandpa

Getting Old Ain't For Sissy's

     A few months back I turned 72 years old. To be honest I never thought I would get this far yet here I am, near sighted, grey haired and pot bellied. I guess I should consider myself fortunate to still be walking around when so many people younger than me go to meet their maker every day due to various illnesses and accidents.
     Looking back on my life I can say there were times I did some pretty dumb things that could have resulted in my demise. As a teenager I jumped off high cliffs into the lake and would swing on a rope attached to a tree on the side of a steep bluff overlooking the lake. I rode a bicycle that I personally worked on only to find out that I am not mechanically inclined - the brakes didn't always work and the front wheel occasionally fell off when I hit a bump.
     I left home at 18 and joined the Navy, as a VIP driver I had a heavy foot. There were no laws about using a seat belt back then so I didn't use one but there were several times, after driving at speeds exceeding 90 mph, a thought would cross my mind "are you crazy" but then I was 18 - 19 years old, I was indestructible. The Navy sent me off to war in Vietnam, not once but twice, again I was fortunate and came home, more than 50,000 of my brothers didn't.
     I continued to drive too fast, over the years I was involved in several auto accidents and received more than my share of speeding tickets. I smoked cigarettes, drank several forms of alcohol,sometimes to excess, and before the kids came along any excuse to party was a good excuse.
     Once the kids came along I slowed down, quit drinking and kept the speed odometer under 80 mph (when the kids were in the car). I suffered the odd cuts and bruises and continued to scratch my head every year when my birthday came around amazed that I made it another year. I worked hard, often long hours, smoking helped keep the stress under control though it didn't do my body any good.
     One day I woke up and found I was a senior citizen, I could no longer keep up with the younger generation physically or mentally. Technology passed me by a long time ago and I don't even think about trying to catch up. I'm so out of shape that getting in a hurry is out of the question, if I had to run the proverbial 50 yards to the outhouse I would need some clean underwear about halfway there. My reflexives have slowed and my memory is sporadic, seems my mouth gets ahead of my brain and whatever I was trying to say  doesn't always come to me until a later time, the doctor calls it "having a senior moment".Various parts of the body take turns letting me know how they feel, sleep eludes me at times, arthritis has a hold on several joints and skin tags are popping up all over my body.
     I have needed glasses for years and now I have what is called a floater in my right eye. I get up slowly in the middle of the night to let my body adjust to the new position and I can't walk barefoot anymore but I did quit smoking a few years ago.
     There is some good news though, I just had a checkup, other than needing to drop a few pounds (OK quite a few), having low vitamin D and borderline cholesterol I'm not in bad shape. When so many people my age are wolfing down handfuls of pills every day I only take three, every thing still works although not as good as they used to.
     I look in the mirror and see and old person yet I look at things from a young persons point of view, I think I can still do things like I always have but then I remember I'm not 25 or 30 or even 40 anymore. I miss the "good ol' days".
     There's a line from a country song that goes "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was" but I should add another line "just not as often as I used to".
     One of the really hard parts about getting old is that all of your friends and relatives have gotten old also, some of them are not doing so well and some have already passed away. I don't enjoy seeing people I know suffering from some disease, I don't enjoy saying goodbye to them but because I love them I will do what I can.
     I don't recommend getting old, it beats the alternative but it sure ain't for sissy's.



















   

Five Years

     "The business of life is the acquisition of memories, in the end that is all that is left" 

                                                                                    Mr. Carson, Downton Abbey



     This post contains individual posts that I write on Face Book on the anniversary of the passing of Linda and Wayne. The words are from my heart and I think they are important to future generations so I have created this post as a compilation of the anniversary writings.  

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FIVE YEARS

     Five years ago Kay and I didn't know each other but life forces were in play that would bring us together. Five years ago Kay's husband Wayne passed away, a week later my wife Linda passed away, after decades of marriage we were lost and alone. The first year was devastating, we mourned our losses deeply, we cried ourselves to sleep when sleep was possible, we wandered aimlessly in a fog of despair even though we were surrounded by friends and family.
     As time went on life became easier, with help we learned how to move forward without forgetting, we learned to live again with the memories of a lifetime, we learned how to smile and laugh again as we told our stories of the past. What we did not do was forget even one minute detail of the ones we lost. Everyday we remember Wayne and Linda, some times the memories bring tears, some times smiles, some times the memory is but a fleeting moment like a flash of light but most often they linger for a few minutes as the minds eye allows us to look back on a smiling face or listen to sounds of laughter. Our memories of Wayne and Linda can never be lost, they are permanently etched, deeply, in our minds mingling with the memories that we now create together.
     Kay and I came together during the most devastating, heartbreaking period of our lives, drawn together by grief we fell in love and married. There were those that felt our marriage defiled our memories of Wayne and Linda, that we no longer remembered the life or the love we grieved for. Well, you hurt us, you added to our grief and caused us great pain but then you also strengthened our resolve, together we have learned to move forward while looking back, together we have learned to love again without remorse.
     Linda and Wayne are memories now, memories that can be brought on by various things, an aroma, scenery along the roadside, a song on the radio, a scene from a movie or maybe it did just pop up out of the blue. There have been times we could be having a conversation with someone when our eyes might water, we may start to sniffle or even be close to outright crying, then for no apparent reason we may smile all because something triggered a memory. We are getting better at setting aside our emotions, we no longer burst into tears for no reason, there are times when we need a hug or a whisper of love and these we freely give to each other. The existence of our grief often is subtle as the pain continues to lessen, our happiness overshadows the sorrow but the sorrow will always be there, I think, for the rest of our lives.
     Five years is just the beginning, for the rest of our lives we will remember our late spouses, the memories may bring tears or smiles, either way they will be welcome because they are a part of us that can never be denied. Five years, it seems like yesterday, five years from now it will still feel like yesterday, memories are funny like that.

                                                        In Loving Memory

          Linda Jean Dingman Riggan                            Charles Wayne Bullock

           3 /30 / 1949  -  9 / 12 / 2014                           12 / 21 / 1952  -  9 / 6 / 2014

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TIME

     Six years ago, Kay's husband Wayne passed away after 35 years of marriage, one week later my wife Linda passed away after 47 years of marriage. It was their time, yet we grieved for them. We continued our existence in time alone yet surrounded by family and friends. We didn't know each other then but time eventually brought us together and over time we learned to live with our grief. Time held our memories of a life never to be forgotten while we made memories in our new life together. 

     But to say that "time heals all wounds" is not really a truism. Time works very well on physical wounds although there may be a scar, time hides wounds of the mind and heart. The wounds lay unseen to most people hidden by a facade that cloaks the bearer. Our's is a wound of the heart that time can not heal.

    Time moves us forward in our love for each other but it can't heal the wounds in our hearts or hide the memories of our past. Six years have gone by, next September will be seven years then eight, nine, ten. We have come to learn that time will continue to heal our wounds but time will never allow us to forget Wayne and Linda, not last year, not this year, not next year.
   
   

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EIGHT YEARS

     At this time of the year, I usually write something about the grief I am experiencing from Linda's passing. It's been eight years, I still feel her loss but it seems different somehow. It's hard to explain, I still miss her but I don't mourn her like in the past, does this mean that I have excepted her loss and moved on?

     Kay and I often think and speak of Wayne and Linda, it's hard not to with so much that triggers a memory but those memories no longer produce tears or feelings of sadness they now bring forth smiles and laughter. This must be another stage in the grieving process but it leaves me a little confused and wondering what or how I will be feeling in the years to come. 

     Whatever the next step in the process is, I know that we will never forget them and the life we had with them.  

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     About this time every year, I write something about my feelings from losing Linda. These picture my son has posted about Linda are a fitting tribute to her life so I am going to piggyback my thoughts about her.

     After a lifetime of loving and living with someone, you find that you can never forget them or stop loving them though they are no longer with you. Time becomes a scar covering the wound death has left on your heart.

     After nine years, I have moved on, Kay and I have made a good life together and we love each other, we both would rather be spending this time with the person we grieve for but life doesn't always give you what you want. Every day we remember them in different ways, we smile from our thoughts and hold back tears from our sadness then we move forward but we never forget.

     These pictures seem like yesterday, indeed they are yesterday, they are embedded in my memory forever. All that Linda and Wayne were is now a memory that occupies a special place in our hearts. Grief is the one thing time can never erode just as memories can never be forgotten. A wound can be healed but there will always be a scare in it's place to remind us of another time.

               

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          The ANNIVERSARY

     September has arrived once again, while there are many reasons to be happy about it's arrival there is one thing that cast a shadow over the month. Ten years ago, Kay's husband Wayne passed away on the sixth, my wife Linda passed away on the fourteenth, it was a dark time for the both of us. Like a lot of things in life, there is no guidebook, nothing to tell you what to expect, what to do or how to act, even talking with others who have gone through the grieving process doesn't help much because everyone grieves differently. 

     So, here we are ten years after their passing and we are still grieving for them, we no longer cry ourselves to sleep or walk around looking like we are lost but we do still grieve for them. The emotions have changed, the events leading to their deaths are not as vivid but the memories of their life are as clear as yesterday. We don't need a picture of them because their likeness is embossed into our memory cells and often enters our thoughts, we speak of the good times and smile, sometimes we laugh. 

     I guess this is another phase of the grieving process, maybe the final phase as I can't think of how more years will change my feelings, only those who started their journey before us would know and I suspect they would say grief is never ending. So, here we are celebrating another anniversary, no cake with candles or party favors just each other to hold and a lifetime of memories to make us smile, somehow I think that's enough.

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     When someone you love passed away you're told you need to move on, it's what they would want you to do, they wouldn't want you to spend the days and years mourning for them. So you eventually do move on, you start to live a new life without them, maybe you fall in love with someone else but do you forget the softness of their hair, the sweetness of their kiss or the smile on their face - NO.

     It's been eleven years now, the memories ebb and flow but never fade, hopefully they never will. I have moved on, I have a new life with Kay who walks beside me on the same path, together we are making memories, together we remember the life we once lived with someone we loved just as fiercely as we love each other. We move on but we never forget.