The In-Laws

                                           The In - Laws

     There is an old saying about relatives - "you can't choose your relatives ", it pretty much means that you are stuck with the family you are born into, you can run away, disown them and even tell everyone that you were adopted but in the end they are still your family forever.
     Now to paraphrase the above saying  (or maybe I am coining a new saying ) " you can't choose your in - laws " opens another subject that is talked about almost as much as blood relatives. Depending on who is doing the talking there can be much disdain about in - laws or praises. Let's take my in - laws for instance, they were at times a barrel of laughs and at other times caused me to cringe and repeat over and over " I love my wife, I love my wife ".
     When I first met Linda I was not interested in her family, she was the object of my desire and in that I wore blinders. Linda was the oldest of three girls, Eileen was three years younger and Vicki at two years old was fifteen years younger and after all these years I still say that I not only had the pick of the litter I got the best of the litter.
      Linda's mom 's name was Gladys her maiden name was Wagner and she was from upstate New York, I called her mom. She was nice and easy to talk with, she kept a clean house and the girls were always clean and neat, she was fun, considerate and caring. The house and kids were her domain and she took both seriously seeing to it that they went to school and church on a regular basis. Mom was a quiet woman, she went about her day cleaning, cooking, sewing - all of the things a housewife of the times did on a daily basis. She played the guitar and sang. I liked her from the start and enjoyed her company.
    Mom was always a deeply religious person, she was raised a Lutheran and attended a Lutheran church when I met Linda but some time in the late 1970's something changed. The Lutheran church no longer satisfied her needs so she started looking around. She settled on the Pentecostal church and although her beliefs were strong she became born again to the point that she would sometimes frighten Linda. She softened some when Danny was born, he made her smile and laugh.
     Linda's Dad was definitely a horse of a different color, there was a television sitcom back in the 1970's called All In the Family, the main character was Archie Bunker, we used to jokingly tell people that they used Dad to form the character of Archie.
     Tom Dingman was a man among men as they say, he was king of his castle and all who entered therein, the world revolved around him and him alone. What can I say about Dad, oh where to start, how about his politics or his strange sense of humor, his views on hippies, Jews, Germans and Negroes (as they were called then) could create a discussion lasting into the wee hours of the new dawn.
     Dad was a patriot who served as a Navy radio operator in WWII, he never saw any action but was involved in the search for the missing planes that disappeared into the shadows of the Bermuda Triangle off the east coast of Florida. In later years he twice served as Post Commander for the American Legion. Dad was also a benevolent person and gave freely of his time to many civic organizations such as the Masons, Kiwanis club, Shriner, VFW, American Legion, Lions Club and was a founder of the local Ham Radio Club who would help out with communications in case of an emergency. He was also a racist who had strong opinions about people who didn't think like him, in particular the previously mentioned Hippies, Jews, Germans and Negros, add to the list Catholics, Orientals and Republicans.
     Linda loved her father but at times had difficulty understanding him. Once when he was ranting about the Jewish race she asked him if he didn't believe in Jesus, he quickly stated his belief in Jesus  but continued his rant on Jews so Linda said but Daddy Jesus was a Jew, he had no answer for her. Another time his rantings were about Germans and again Linda interjected and asked him why he married her mother for she was a German, again he had no answer.
      The night we announced our engagement he drove me back to the base, Linda rode along with us. Nothing was said on the trip to the base but Linda told me later that on the way home Dad told her how he thought she should stick around after high school, get a job and help out the family.
     Dad was big on family alright, especially his brothers and sisters, he was close to his brother Raymond who had taken over the family bottled gas company. Raymond was a playboy, he had a couple of ex wives and several young girl friends, he was always dabbling in new adventures and businesses. Dad took after Raymond in the world of business when he was laid off from his job at Cape Kennedy, he started a company that cleaned and installed phone booths for Bell South in So. Florida.
     His business venture into phone booths led to buying a bottled gas plant in Interlachen, Fl. which Mom operated as she raised Vicki. He would play games with Raymond over the gas company, Raymond required cash when Mom needed more gas so Dad would write him a check which quite often bounced - he would laugh loudly when he would tell me about it. The phone booth business actually did pretty well and the income afforded him the opportunity to do other things such as buy into a service station, become a half partner of a shrimp boat and start up a rent a wreck business. I don't know what happened to the businesses but they didn't work out. One thing I do remember is that he was contacted by the U.S.Secret Service about one of his rent a wreck cars, seems the man who rented the car drove it to Washington and threatened the life of the president, the car was impounded.
     The man was always thinking, coming up with new ideas, new ways to make money. Most of the ideas were off the wall and even the best of them didn't work out, the phone booth business was the most profitable but Dad had a way of letting his money slip thru his fingers.
     Some time during the 1970's Mom and Dad sorta went separate ways although they never divorced, for the most part he lived in West Palm, Fl. and Mom and Vicki lived in Interlachen, Dad would come to Interlachen and or Jacksonville a couple times a month but for the most part though they were still married it was pretty much in name only.
     Dad and I had a some what odd relationship, we sorta tolerated each other. He was the one who got me into the phone booth business, had I followed his lead I would not have stayed with it. Years later as he lay on his deathbed I heard him tell Linda that he thought I had turned out to be a pretty good guy, until then he never complimented me on anything and we were often engaged in discussions where we expressed strong opposition to each other.
      Linda's parents were like many of their generation, the greatest generation that ever lived. They worked hard, carried on traditions, didn't accept change very well and raised the next generation just as their parents did before them and Linda and I did after them. There are other stories I could tell and maybe someday I will. Although we clashed every now and then I remember them with fondness, I liked them and was proud to call them Mom and Dad.

What Were We Thinking

                                                   

                             What Were We Thinking

     A little over a year ago Kay and I started looking for a home of our own. We went on the internet and found listings that might be interesting and then we would do a drive-by to see if the place would generate more interest, we looked all over five or six counties for five or six months. The problem was more than just finding a new home, there were other issues to consider - price range, size, location, new or old, move in ready or fixer upper to name a few.
     After several months and much discussion we finally settled on a little house in Statham  just four miles from where we were living in Winder. Let me preface this to say Statham is a nice small community built along side the railroad. Founded way back in the 1800's, as a mill town it has seen it's ups and downs but most recently is has been experiencing a minor growth spurt while still maintaining it's old downtown charm with quaint restaurants and antique shops. Many of the homes along the main street were built around the turn of the last century or before.
     The home we found seemed to check off all of the considerations we had i.e. location - one block from downtown in a nice little community, size - it was a little small at 854 sf with 7 ft. 3 in. ceiling height but we could fix that, built in 1964 it was old - not as old as some of the homes, price - probably more than we should have paid, and last but certainly not least, it was not move in ready.
This house to say the least was a fixer upper, everywhere we turned there seemed to be something else that needed to be repaired, replaced or added. Did I mention that two contractors suggested that we bulldoze the house and build a new one?
      Being old enough that we had time on our hands and the skill and knowledge to handle most of the jobs required to refurbish the house we bought it and last September we started making plans  about what we wanted and how we were going to go about getting there and at this point a phrase comes to mind - "what were we thinking ? ". In all honesty we thought this ordeal would not be a problem, after all we had been watching the DIY and HGTV channels for sometime, they rebuilt homes in one hour. So off we go on our new and exciting adventure.
     First things first, we had to decide what we wanted done which was simple - add 15 ft onto the back of the house and raise the ceiling height to eight feet. This required a contractor so we got quotes from a few and settled on one to start work in October. The contractor was to add on the addition, raise the roof to give us 9 ft ceilings and stub out the plumbing and replace the windows - piece of cake.
     We had decided that we could do a lot of the remodeling ourselves and save money. So before the contractor started we had to tear off the brick on the back of the house, remove the old paneling and insulation and sheet rock, carpet, fixtures and etc. Well we did all of those things and more and went home every day covered in dirt, grime and grease, our bodies filled with cuts , bruises and splinters which later turned into scars which fit in with those incurred thru a long hard life. I should note here that my retired fishing buddy John offered to help out and I took him up on it, I will be buying his lunch and paying for his pool  league dues for some time to come.
     Everywhere we turned something popped up that usually created more work and / or expense. We found out that the framing was on two foot centers, the electric had no ground wire even though there was a new 200 amp panel, under the carpet there was tongue and groove pine flooring but it had to come up because a few of the floor joist were rotted or broken , that was when we found out there was no sub floor, behind the brick siding there was painted wood siding, there was cast iron drain lines and rotted duct work for the air handler. Maybe we should have taken the contractor's advice and bulldozed it. Bad as things looked we charged ahead tackling each problem as it came up.
     Then came the contractor problems. Things started out pretty good but it didn't take too long for them to go haywire. The crawl space for the addition was dug and the blocks for the foundation were laid and the carpenter was called in ( now things are going to start to move - Ha Ha ). the two man carpenter crew shows up the Monday before Thanksgiving to install the floor joist, he discovers that the block was laid in wrong and he had set up a transit and take measurements every six inches and cut shims for each, that took all day and after showing up about nine in the morning they quit work about three. The next day they came back again about nine and started installing the joist and got down to the end and found they were one joist short so they went home early. The third day they arrived with the missing joist and installed it and the spacers and were gone by lunch for a long holiday weekend.
     One of the problems with the carpenter was that he would only bring enough material for that days work rather than ordering up everything for the job. Later on he ordered the trusses too late to get them in before Christmas and he came up short one truss. The windows were installed but not caulked or sealed.
     It was about this time that we found out after many serious discussions with the contractor that he was not really a contractor but rather a "Project Manager" meaning that none of the people were his employees they were subs so he had very little control over their comings and goings.
     The brick layer we started with also had some problems showing up when we needed him and twice we found he was laying brick that didn't match so he was replaced with another brick layer the contractor found. The one that really drove us crazy was the plumber.
     The contractor had a plumber who owed him money so he made a deal with him to install the plumbing in exchange for his debt. The first plumber to show up was a woman and two guys one of which was her daughter's boyfriend, oh and because they had no transportation the daughter drove them to the job in her Jeep Cherokee where she sat talking on her phone the whole time. They had no idea what was going on and the few supplies they brought were useless so they started tearing things out, one of those things was the water line to the meter. They started digging with picks and shovels and after getting so far along they hooked the exposed line to the jeep with a tie down strap and tried to pull it out of the ground, that didn't work so I loaned them a chain and they wound up damaging the Jeep's bumper, they left swearing to return the next day with everything they would need. We never saw that particular plumber again but there were others that showed up from time to time but never the same ones twice. A couple of guys showed up but didn't bring any tools, another arrived but didn't have any material to work with, often we would get a call saying they were on the way to work but they would never show up. Over about two months we went thru seven different plumbers before I said enough. Then one day the contractor comes in with a plumber that he had run across and the guy was looking over the job. He was a nice guy who had a game leg and  his nephew as a helper. They worked hard and were very friendly, we even got a business card to pass along to a neighbor and that is when Kay noticed something strange so she went home that night and discovered that she and the plumber were distant cousins - small world but if you need a good plumber he's your man.
     Things slowly progressed and we finally saw the last of the contractor sometime in May. Although we were happy to see him go it was not a happy ending, we will not be inviting him over for a cook out or send him a Christmas card.
     During the contractors time we had things to come up that was our responsibility, tear our the old flooring, add studs to the wall to put them on 16 in centers, replace floor joist and add about 36 more to put them on 16 in centers, insulate and lay down new sub floor. When the contractor left we built interior walls, installed insulation in the walls and ceiling, ran the wiring, installed a new hardwood floor, painted trim and caulked it, the list of completed projects is endless but they are done.
     What started out to be no more than a six month project has taken a year and we won't even mention the cost but despite all of the pain, aggravation and frustration aside we are moved in. We started with a two bedroom,  one bath brick home with 7 ft 3 in ceilings and 854 sf, at one point we were down to three walls standing, exposed floor joist and no roof, people would ask if there had been a fire and when we planned to tear down the rest. We now have a two bedroom, two bath ( one yet to be finished) brick home with 9 ft ceilings and just shy of 1400 sf. There are still projects to complete ( finish three accent walls with wood, finish master bath, roof the deck, build counter tops and build a bar to name a few ) and they will not get done anytime soon but they are manageable.
       If you were to ask us if we would do it all again we would probably say this was one we should have walked away from or we should have bulldozed it. From time to time we asked ourselves - what were we thinking - well we were thinking of our future together, the making of our own memories while holding on to the memories of the lives we had in a not so distant past. It's like juggling balls in the air - too many balls from the past clouds the future, too many balls from the future clouds the past.  We think about us and remember those who went before us, that's what we were thinking.

   
 

The Traveler

                             The Traveler




     When I first met Linda she had just turned seventeen, she was not only the most beautiful girl in the world she was also widely traveled. Her father in the mid 1950's worked for a defense contractor charged with some of the work on the ICBM missile silos that were put in place all over the country as a deterrent to the ones the Russians were installing over their country side , Dad worked in supply.
      The company relocated the family all over the west from job to job and when they did Dad was given per- diem for each member of the family to cover food and expenses, he also received an allowance for the miles he would have to drive to the next job and he was given travel time to get there. Bear in mind that in the mid 1950's the hi-way system in this country was severely lacking in good roads, in fact if the road was two lanes wide and paved it was considered a major hi-way. About this time President Eisenhower had approved the construction of the interstate system but that was going to be several years away, in fact while driving to Tennessee on our honeymoon in 1967, Linda and I were on and off of parts of the interstate all thru Georgia and Tennessee.
     So to give you an idea of the difficulties, from Atlanta to Nashville is about 300 miles and takes about four hours to drive, you take interstate 75 north out of Atlanta to Chattanooga where you get on interstate 24 west to Nashville, simple. Back in the 1950's this was probably an overnight trip as you passed thru every town, city or wide spot in the road while circumnavigating mountains, rivers and deep valleys. Oh! and don't forget the slower speeds and no passing zones.
     Getting back to the story, Linda's Dad decided this would be an opportunity to see some of the country. When plotting his course to his next job going a direct route was out of the question, Linda told me that they were headed to Denver on one trip and wound up going into Mexico three times to get there.
     Over the course of the next few years they lived in California, Colorado, Idaho, Washington state and Arizona to name the few I can remember.
     Linda and Eileen were in and out of schools as many as three times in a year but the big thing was that Dad made sure they saw everything of any importance that might be within a hundred miles of where they were. They saw old Tombstone in Arizona, Pikes Peak in Colorado and Crater Lake in Washington. While passing thru Jackson Hole in Wyoming Linda fell into an open manhole and injured her leg, Dad never one to pass up an opportunity threatened to sue the city and settled for fifty dollars, Linda said he didn't share it with her.
     They traveled around in a pickup truck with a truck mounted camper on the bed, Linda and Eileen would lay own the bed over the cab and watch landscape as it passed by. Often Dad would pull off to the side of the road and camp by a stream, Dad would catch fish they cooked over an open fire while the girls would play in the water.
      Dad had promised Linda that they would move back to Florida when she started high school and he kept his promise and that's where I came in.
     When we were dating and planning our future Linda would tell me the stories of her travels and how she wanted to show me all of the wonderful sights, we made plans to visit all of the places she had seen and more. We were going to camp by mountain streams and drink the clean clear waters. Our vacations were planned out for the next tens years or so but then life got in the way, our priorities changed and then changed again. Every time we saved a little money something broke and had to be fixed or replaced, as I said - life got in the way.
     Recently I opened a drawer or dug into an old box and came across a few pieces of paper, one was a printout of names from her high school alumni, another was a page from a letter from one of her cousins or aunts, it gave information on some graves for her great grandparents. The last piece of paper was a small page torn from an old notebook about 4 1/2 in. x 6 1/2 in.. The paper was water stained, yellowed and faded and had notations in several colors of ink.
     The notations were the month, year and the address of every place Linda lived over the years since we were married, there were twenty five addresses. Looking back over the list it seemed we didn't stay in one place very long although we did live in our first house for four years, we rented a house in Sacramento, Ca. for five years and we lived in Auburn ,GA. for almost fifteen years and next month will make ten years in this house in Winder, Ga. still there are a lot of addresses for forty seven years of marriage.
     We never did get to see the Grand Tetons or the bears of Yellowstone but Linda did show me the Pacific Ocean, the Rockies Mtns. and the Grand Canyon to mention a few places and we did take short trips to Gatlinburg, the Mammoth Caves and one year we went to Akron ,Ohio. We also saw Disneyland, Disneyworld, Sea World in Ca. and Fl.. My work took me to places all over the country and I saw many sights that Linda had talked about including Alaska which was one place she wanted to go.
     Linda used to complain that when we went on a trip I drove like a bat out of hell to get to our destination and in doing so I passed up a lot of great places to stop and see. She was right, that was the way I was then always in a hurry, it was many years before I learned to slow down and enjoy the view. The last fifteen years or so we took several spur of the moment trips to destinations we pulled out of the thin air and we took hours to arrive.
     I look back over the list of addresses and can't help but wonder what Linda had to put up with being married to me, she rarely complained and no matter where we were she made us a good home filled with memories. I wonder how many other women would have been willing to uproot themselves every few months to chase a dream that always seemed to be just over the horizon.
     She was truly my better half and more than I deserved.